'HAPPY whatever doesn't offend you'!!! Version III

Welcome to the 3rd annual... Because I like MOST of you, I'm here to give you some knowledge about finance, computers, cars and a few things in between so YOU can have a net worth of $1 MILLION DOLLARS like me! HA!!!!!! KIDDING OR AM I!?!??!!? You decide............. SO YOU KNOW, being this is the 3rd edition, I add links as I think about them throughout the year and they are in RED!
The majority of stuff I am about to give you is FREE and info that I think will help you out! WOO HOO!!!

FINANCE:

• https://www.mint.com/ It's a great way to MANAGE your finances. It downloads all of your bank and loan accounts.
• https://www.feex.com/ So with ANY investment you have, 401K and stuff like that, there is a FEE the company running it charges you. This site runs the #'s for you and tells you what the total fee will be when you retire! Sure it asks you for the log in to your investment BUT IT IS TOTALLY LEGIT!!!! KRIPES if Clark Howard mentioned it then I am aoooooooooo cool with it!
• http://www.irs.gov/uac/Free-File:-Do-Your-Federal-Taxes-for-Free  I can't speak for you BUT, I hate paying taxes! If I have to do it, why not for FREE!!! That's right kids, you can file your taxes for FREE instead of paying for Turbo Tax or something. 
• https://www.creditkarma.com/ https://secure.creditsesame.com/signup1 These give your credit score ###### NOW IT'S NOT YOUR TRUE FICO SCORE BUT IT'S CLOSE AND GIVES YOU A 'BALL PARK' FIGURE!######
• https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp -It's your RIGHT as an AMERICAN CITIZEN to be able to pull your credit report each year FOR FREE!!!! DO IT and check for errors. The credit reporting agencies are NOTORIOUS for that kind of stuff!
• http://www.clarkhoward.com/ and http://www.daveramsey.com/home/ -THESE two are my 'GO TO GUYS' when I have ANY financial question, WORDS can't describe what I have learned from them!!!!!! They rock like KISS at the Thomas and Mack Center at Las Vegas in 88!!!! I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS THERE AND 'Rock 'N' Rolled All Night and Partied Every Day'!!!!!!
• http://www.clarkhoward.com/news/clark-howard/personal-finance-credit/credit-freeze-and-thaw-guide/nFbL/- THIS is one of the only ways you can protect yourself if your ID is stolen. It's not 'STEEL CLAD' but it's worth doing because if someone that has stolen your I.D tries to apply for more credit then they will get rejected because your 'credit' has been frozen and only YOU have the codes to thaw it....So in conclusion, DON'T believe all the crap companies like LifeLock and others try to sell ya (they work like this, they monitor your credit AFTER it's been stolen! This is the ONLY way to protect yourself!!!! BE PROACTIVE!!! If you MUST (rolling my eyes) sign up for some I.D protection then why not do it for freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee https://www.allclearid.com/enroll 
  Oh and ask your state representative WHY you can't protect your child's ID http://www.clarkhoward.com/news/clark-howard/personal-finance-credit/sample-letter-request-credit-freeze-legislation-mi/ngXG7/ 
• https://investor.vanguard.com/ -THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT so settle down! More than likely WE, anyone under 50, will NOT have social security or it will look completely different when it's our time to retire. IT'S SIMPLE MATH!!! This is a good way to prevent being on the 'Alpo retirement plan' (That is when you can't afford 'people food' and you have to eat dog food to survive. They make it as easy as a prom date to set up an I.R.A and their customer services reps are knowledgeable and NOT a freakin' call center in India! They can also help you set up a 529 plan. Watch out because I am about to get on my soap box!!!!! Being an expert on MY opinion, I think it's YOUR duty as a parent to save for your child's education. You need to start right when you find out you're 'knocked up'!!! Don't be that mom/dad that has to expose your child to student loans because YOU weren't prepared and you have to look your child in the eye and say 'I'm sorry' when they are 23 and have over $30+ in student loans they have to pay back.
• http://www.missingmoney.com/Main/StateSites.cfm, http://unclaimed.org/ Almost ALL 50 states participate in this... Any $ that is owned to YOU has to be given back to YOU! Use these site to find any $ that MIGHT be owed to you and the state HAS to give it to you. 

COMPUTER:

• http://free.avg.com/us-en/homepage -This is a FREE anti-virus program for your home computer. It's all you need TRUST ME ON THIS! I have been using it for YEARS and I have had no problems ever!!! 
• http://www.newegg.com/ - NOT FREE but D@MN good to have so you are NOT 'up a creek' if your computer dies..... You'll be glad you backed up your pictures from your 'experience' at Mardi Gras 99!!!! 
• http://www.openoffice.org/ -So you're all set to pay a lot of $ for Microsoft Office? WELL!!!! This looks a little different BUT is basically the same thing and it's A LOT cheaper then Microsoft Office!!! IT'S FREE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, and Google Docs is cool too! Happy now Karen?
• http://www.iobit.com/advancedsystemcareper.html -This FREE program scans your computer and fixes 'issues' that are making your computer run slow.....

AUTO:

• http://www.recalls.gov/ Don't be that guy/gal that has possible 'issues' with your car because you weren't aware of a recall that was issued by your auto maker months ago! Register your email and they will send you a notice if there is a recall on your car!
• http://www.scangauge.com/products/scangaugee/ Sure it costs money BUT it's worth it!!!! You will recoup it by driving smarter...... I have had it for almost ten years and it ROCKS!!!! It plugs into your OBDII connection (the computer on your car). KRIPES! It's all they do when you take your car to a mechanic.... They plug in to it to see what's wrong with it.  

MISC:

• http://www.ehow.com/ This site RULES!!! It shows you how to do ANYTHING!!!! KRIPES!! It helped me learn how to freakin tile and I would say it turned out OKIE DOKIE!
• http://www.antennaweb.org/ It's ALL good if you think of me as a NERD, I'm cool with it, but I know about TV and radio stuff (HELLO! I'm a 'TV and radio production' degree holder from ASU, YEAP I went to college, SHOCKER HUH? ALL stations in the USA are mandated by the FCC to broadcast in HDTV! I know the reason they did this but I will spare you that info, all you need to know is that you can get a 'CRAZY' amount of channels (network TV, NOT ESPN and stuff) just with an antenna! ********** AGAIN! NETWORK TV NOT CABLE STATIONS************* BUT don't fret because you can ask Shonteea, coworker of mine, about some reality show and she will give you detailed events of each episode (THANK GOD FOR MY iTouch! But seriously, Almost all of the network (ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX) plus all the cable channels, ESPN, CNN, BRAVO, ALL have the shows on their web sites so you can download and watch them and this will help you put it on your TV instead of the screen on your computer.
• https://twitter.com/, https://www.facebook.com/login.php?next=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fhome.php%3Fsk%3Dapp_2915120374, https://plus.google.com/ Say what you want about social media, TWITTER and 'DA BOOK' aka Facebook, Google+ BUT they are GREAT because of all the info you get from them! PEOPLE! I get all the information I can handle about football and other stuff by 'following' people from current and past players of the Buffalo Bills and news outlets from around the country. KRIPES! I knew Ryan Fitzpatrick (one of MANY Ex-Bills QB) was going to throw an interception because he tweeted that he had a hang nail early in the day. HANG NAIL= INT!!!!! PLUS Famous people will reply to you if you ask them a question! KRIPES! I almost FAINTED when Thurman Thomas 'retweeted' me!!!! MY life was complete at that moment!
• http://www.straighttalk.com/ - One of those contracts that most companies make you sign are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO '20th century'. Straight talk is a contract FREE phone service that RULES, been a customer since 2010. Depending on the phone you select, it works off the Verizon, ATandT or the Sprint networks..... I, ANDY McBRIDE, HAVE NEVER HAD 'ISSUES' WITH NOT GETTING OR SENDING A CALL!!
• http://mymixer.wordpress.com/ After you get your new phone, go here to make custom rings instead of PAYING FOR THEM. I made one out of this song for a call that comes from someone that I do not know and each person in my 'contacts' has their own ring tone. 
• On the theme of 'STICKING IT TO THE MONOPOLY TELEPHONE/CABLE COMPANY', this thing is like totally rad!!!! I have been using it for the last few months and I would have loved to say, that I have zero to .00000001% issues with it BUT I had a slight issue when I got it and they had to send me a new one. The language barrier was inconvenient but I got through it. You pay for the unit and depending on how much data you use, you can use this to check, you pay this a month. If you think that paying for the unit up front is not your ' cup of tea' then I advise you continue being DA MAN'S personal  BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTCH!!!
• http://www.startsdownload.com/picasa/ - This is for all of you that are over the age of 60!!!!! This is a free photo editor. So the next time you take pictures of your grandkids and they are sideways or scanning something and NOT cropping it. I think YOU should edit it through this site BEFORE you post and, cause me and others, a kinked neck trying to view it. 
• http://wncgreenblogcollective.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/amys-energy-efficiency-gift-buying-guide/ - I'm not a freakin' 'tree huggin' hippy' even though I looked like one when I had long hair, BUT I do like saving money and this is a ,במתיקות that's 'SWEET' in Hebrew, link of stuff that will help you save money and possibly 'live off the grid' thus stick it to 'THE MAN'. 

There are other sites but I can't think of them right now but I hoped these helped ya out a little. MERRY CHRISTMAS KIDS and I hope Santa gave you everything you asked for this year.

P.S. I wrote this to all of my coworkers AFTER 'THE MAN' laid off most of the people in our department AKA 'BLACK WEDNESDAY': "OKIE DOKIE! The past week has REALLY put things in 'perspective' so I decided to write, as my co worker Shonteea would say, the little 'ANDY BEEEEEEEEEOTCHIN' investment guide'. I want to get this out because I want y'all to know this if they decide that we are not needed anymore. This will be short and sweet but I think you'll get the gist of it so you are NOT on the 'Alpo retirement plan' (You are sooooo broke when you retire that you have to eat dog food because you can't afford 'people food'). FIRST OFF, I think it's pretty cool that you ask me for financial advice, contrary to popular belief, I like helping people BUT I DO have my limits! Just ask my cube mate!!!! ALRIGHT, enough of the warm and fuzzy cr@p, let's get down to business. 

- ALWAYS remember that the turtle ALWAYS beats the rabbit. Apply this phrase to your investing. You are NOT looking to make the 'quick buck' in the next week, month or year because there is a really good chance you will loose it just as quick.

- K.I.S (keep it simple and yes DULL! Boring mutual funds= less risk. Single stocks= A LOT of
  RISK. Look at mutual funds that have been around for at least 10 or more years and average a
  good track record.

- DO NOT use the news as your financial adviser, the news is all about DOOM and GLOOM!   
  KRIPES, their motto is 'IF IT BLEEDS, IT LEADS'!  

- Look at what your 401k is in once in a while, I'll be the first to tell ya that I am bad at this. I just 
  looked at mine today and when I was helping some other people out a few months ago, for the
  first time in years. BAD ME!!!

     1. You can adjust your funds that you are in manually or you can keep them in one of the
         'target market' funds (just figure out when you want to retire, the year, and put your money in
         that. It's like 'auto pilot' for your money. It's personal choice....).
     2. Well Fargo matches up to 6%, so set your contribution to at least that and ALWAYS add to
          it no matter what. 'Catholic Kate' AKA my mom (NO I don't call her that to her face) instilled
          in me to ALWAYS contribute to it. She also did a fabulous job with the whole 'Catholic guilt'
          thing!!!
     3. There are some GREAT references that they offer us that explain the 401k plan A LOT better
         than I do. Just log in to your account and on the top of the page there is a tab called
        'Planning and Education' then click 'Education Resources Center' and read to your little 
        heart's content . Also just search '401k' on the internet.   
 I could go on and on about this but I won't because I you to roll you eyes at me and say "OK!
 I get it old man!' "

OH AND ONE MORE THING! I have a sweet drink for you to enjoy during the winter months. It consists of Baileys or the knockoff stuff I get at Aldi, hot chocolate, a Keurig (you are a SIMPLETON if you don't have one) a generic K- cups adapter you get at Dollar General.............. Put 2 shots of Baileys in a mug and fill the K-cup with some hot chocolate. run your Keurig. Mix the hot chocolate with the Baileys, AND VOILA!!! After two or three you will feel 'comfortably numb' and enjoying the great holiday season! YOU'RE WELCOME!!!

And now for your monthly 'ANSWERING CRAP' where I answer a spammer's, usually stupid question: "Legal Service, who says you should be over 18 years of age and on the advertising car insurance for 1 day display most people did not notice them. This would normally be cause for concern however, I know that I'm not making a major purchase house or car in the next section. Even if you are buying a house, can use 'loans for bad credit' domain."  LEGAL SERVICES??????? SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET, but I must pass because I have a friend who is a lawyer and gives me some excellent legal advise when I need it......... NO!!!!! Not "Hey Carb, how do I dispose of a dead homeless guy who nobody is gonna miss, body???" 


Speaking of a Keurig, here is the Kim Karashian edition and your moment of zen!!!! WIN/WIN BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!!!

The way it is! So I am just going to RAMBLE!!!

 I like to be somewhat prepared for stuff to happen, which in life, happens A LOT!!! I knew things at my former employer were slowing down. Let me first state, that I ANDY MCBRIDE made the choice to stay at a company 14+ years. I was COMFORTABLE... To put it in another way 'it was MY dirty diaper and I was happy sitting in it'. I knew I was just a # so I ALWAYS kept an emergency fund of 6 months of expenses. HELL, EVERYONE should have one of those. I have that AND they have to pay me until Dec 2016 for the 14 years of service I gave them. ANYWAYS!!! I live 'below my means' so $ has not and will not be a problem for me while I am looking for a job.... Not just ANY job but one that I actually enjoy going to......

CHRIS!

This is CHRIS!!!!

 My cousin, who 6 years ago, I didn't have too much contact with.... Mostly because of the age and distance (Mansfield, OH) difference BUT things are way different now... I see him at least twice a year... In June when I go on my tour to see my friends and family in OH, NY, PA and VA. Also in October when he and his girlfriend come down to casa de McBride in L-TOWN! I WILL NOT elaborate but the guy has lived and seen A LOT in his life but he is still standing and we have become great friends throughout the six years of actually getting to know each other. When I go up there he takes me around Mansfield and shows me the places where our grandparents worked and other stuff he knows I would like to see. He also tells me stuff about my grandparents that I didn't know- like our grandfather use to smoke A LOT!!! WHOA! He is also VERY handy and brings me on jobs he does like re-plumbing a bathroom! WOO HOO!!!! I know how to do it now!!!! Anyways, he CAN'T sit still which is great for me when it comes to doing stuff around casa de McBride.We get a plethora of stuff done!
-We painted the porch because I was sick of treating it with Thompson water seal EVERY YEAR!

 While the paint was drying to put a 2nd coat on some of the areas, he split a bunch of wood I had from trees that my neighbor and I have taken down through out the year. FYI- So I have PLENTY of split wood for a DOLCE (that's 'sweet' in Spanish) fire in the ODE TO BOOB AKA fire pit.....

 We then painted my room, something I have been meaning to do for a couple of years!! HA!!!

 Oh, this is the color it is now....

 His girlfriend and I went to Lowes and I asked her to pick out a color. She started asking a bunch of questions on what color my bed spread was and what other colors were and said something about "well this might be a good color and grabbed this and said "What do you think?" I took it from her and said "DONE!!" The whole process took 90 seconds!! HA!!!!!

 He has also helped fix some electrical stuff and even brought his two rototillers last fall and helped me mix in all the coffee grounds I get from work..... FYI- this was just the 1st stage of getting grass to grow back there.

 I don't think I mentioned that he is a great cook too. The last night he was here he made a special marinade for a pork loin and some potatoes!! It was very YUMMY IN MY TUMMY!

 And now for your monthly 'ANSWERING CRAP' where I answer a spammer's, usually stupid question:
"These firms connect hedge funds may play in and I have stated certain information and issues regarding any real money from them. SevenOh, and ready to place marketing third. Inventory Availability Calculated field: Unit Price X Quantity = represents the largest European automaker, rose more than once, not simply rely on a membership in societies, do it on your own."
Answer: First off, I don't think I will EVER get past the atrocious grammar.... OKIE DOKIE, now that I have said my peace, I and others might as well go to the bank, take out our life savings and go down the road throwing $100 bills out the window. I think it would be just the same as 'investing' in your hedge fund!

Path to a little slice of HEAVEN!

That's my brother Mike and Grandpa McBride in 1972 and after seeing this picture, I decided to make my own little brick path from the patio to 'DA ODE' AKA fire pit. So with the PLETHORA of bricks the Boike's have, I made my version....

Sorry for such a SHORT entry but I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO finally cut the cable company out of my life. The 'high speed' internet and it's really high payments are gone and I have one of these now. I made the cheapo mistake of only buying 1GB of data to get me through a month, well that went over like a fart in church! I blew though that faster than a college kid 'shotgunning' a beer on a Friday night but don't worry, I bought more GBs and I should be good; even though I had to wait until the 20th of September. So I didn't have any internet service unless I went to someplace with WIFI access like McDonalds. HA!! I went there every morning to download my pod casts I like to listen to at lunch and in the car. ****COMMENTARY**** Things must be just fine and dandy at the cable company because they didn't EVEN try to retain me as a customer. I find this hard to believe because the days of their MONOPOLY on internet access and TV are numbered with technology evolving for us commoners:
http://www.apple.com/appletv/ 
http://www.google.com/tv/get.html
http://www.clarkhoward.com/news/clark-howard/technology/more-choices-cheap-internet-tv-streaming/nd6Qy/
https://fiber.google.com/about2/

OKIE DOKIE!!! My commentary is over and now back to your regularly scheduled program...

IT'S TIME for me to answer a spammer's, usually stupid and grammar filled error, email: 
"Does ƴouг website havе a contact pаge? I'm haνing a tough time locating it ƅut, Ӏ'd lіke to send you an email. I've ǥot somе suggestions fоr yoսr bpog yߋu miǥht be inteгested in hearing. Eіther ԝay, ɡreat site and I look forward to sеeing it improve oger time."
Answer: A contact page? No, you can just leave a comment about it and I there is a 98% chance I will reply BUT I highly doubt you will notice that being you just send out 'spam emails' to EVERYONE and hope some poor bastard responds to ya!

Now it's your moment of ZEN. Just in time for Halloween!!!!!

HAVE A GREAT MONTH PEEPS and have a happy NASTAS (SATAN) day, I mean Halloween! It's all cool with me because it gives ladies around the country the excuse to dress SLUTTY!!! WOO HOO!!!

The 1st annual 'Mystery Beer' night....

 Welcome to 'MYSTERY BEER' NIGHT'!!!! Take your 4 Advil and glass of water before you go to bed because the hangover is going to be hell!!!!  I sooooooooooooooooo stole this idea from the Klondike Cafe in Boone, NC when I went to college up there in the 90's. YES I went to college! CRAZY HUH?!?!?!?!?! AHHHHHH sitting outside on a spring day and drinking beer! GOOD STUFF!!! So, there was a barrel full of ice cold beer and for a dollar, you reached inside of it and pulled out a beer. Now it was a crappy beer....

...but it was only a dollar and you weren't too picky, because you were a broke college student for Christ sake!
 Fast forward to 2014 and I am pondering this while taking my TOUR of OH, PA, NY. I broke it up into two trips this year. On the 2nd trip I got some SWEET beers for Boike and others to drink so we can 'enjoy' the beers while pondering important issues like:
Me- "Do you think there were so many dirt roads in Hazzard county because Boss Hog was embezzling the funds the federal government was giving the county to pave the roads?"
Boike- "Yes I do think he was BUT he wasn't keeping all the funds to himself, he had to buy new cop cars because those two dipsticks, Roscoe and Ennis, were tearing them up all the time."

 So with just a few of the 'finest' beers available AND with an international flavor,

(TAKE OFF, EHHHHHHH????????) Boike, our old friend Todd, his pupper Wyatt and I sat on 'DA ODE' and I had a cooler full of beer and ice, you stuck your hand in it and whatever beer you pulled out, ya had to drink it. Here were your choices...

It was JUST like college because we stayed up until 3:30 AM!!! GOOD LORD!!! FYI- I sooooooooooooooo was lying in bed just like Brian Wilson did for most of the next day....

 In other exciting news, I got the '$#itter' pumped out.

Now it's time to answer a spammer' question:
"My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find the majority of your post's to be exactly I'm looking for. can you offer guest writers to write content available for you? I wouldn't mind creating a post or elaborating on many of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome blog!"
ANSWER-  I have had a couple 'guest' writers throughout the years primarily Boike WHO I KNOW! You and other spammers on the other hand, NO! Wait a minute, let me clarify that a little bit more, HELL NO and your English is HORRIBLE!!!! 
Oh and don't forget your MOMENT OF ZEN!!! HA!!!! That silly ice challenge gone WRONG and I hope the helmet he wore 'cushioned' some of the impact!!!

AND FINALLY!

ALL IN ALL, YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL!

If ya want to go all 'negative' on me and say 'the wall' is "DA MAN keeping you in the walls of conformity then by all means go for it!!! My wall is a 'happy one' and cheap too! 98 cents a brick!!!! YEAH BUDDY! So I have one in my front yard that I built last year. So this year I have starting building one in the back right next to DA ODE!!!

This one has 3 levels:

• The first level has ONE day lily and ONE canna (I went on a trip and when I come back there were THREE already!!! GOOD LORD!)  
• The second will be my little garden where I will (have to wait till next spring) grow my spinach and kale, YES I EAT GREEN STUFF NOW!!!!! I chop it up and put it in EVERYTHING I eat, and next H@LL will freeze over!!!!
• The third is WELL I don't know what it is, I planted a bush there that my mom gave me years ago. SUGGESTIONS????

Not bad for someone with a freakin' 'hang nail' that has been kickin' my @$$ for the month BUT I remember what Mike Wilber told me when I worked out at the Olean Racquet Club in 86, "NO PAIN, NO GAIN!!!!!"

On an unhappy note, I went on my annual trip and it was short because I had to come back home earlier than scheduled. While in OH, I made the mistake of going back to my Nana's old house. The place is 'condemned' by the city THANK GOD!!! What a dump! Nana sold it at the same time her husband Russ, my step grandpa, passed away in 1991. I'm not sure if it changed owners through out the years but there was a fire there a few years ago and I will NEVER forget the news anchor saying that the firefighters had trouble fighting the fire because of ALL the dogs the 'owner' had.... GOOD GRIEF! That's all I will say about them but I DO want to thank them for giving me that sickening feeling that beer couldn't even cover up..... 

Not even a day after these pictures were taken, it was demolished!!!!!! THANK YOU WHOEVER DID IT!!

Now it's time for me to answer a spammer's question:
"I really like your blog.. very nice colors and theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I'm looking to construct my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. cheers Also visit my web page ... Car Accident Lawyer Vancouver"
ANSWER- H to the E to the double L NO!!! DUDE I have my 'limitations' when it comes to computers ya 'ambulance chaser'! FYI- there is only one 'i' in website and while I am on my 'spammer rant'. There are over 200k hits on my blog and NOT ONE person or machine is a 'TROLL' SON OF A!! I kinda want one that leaves really obscure and obscene comments for me to laugh at!!!

Your moment of zen and remember kids, you can't have any pudding if ya don't eat your meat!!! That my friends are words to live by!

HAIR!!!!!

Captain's log, star date 1-30-12-5150  After seeing Stephanie's husband and Mary (co workers) 
do it, I decided to embark on a journey to grow out my hair and then donate it. After hours of research (NOT REALLY, I freakin 'GOOGLED' Donate my hair and they were the first ones to pop up) I found a place to donate (Lock Of Love= BAD Wigs For Kids= GOOD), how hard can it be? Grow it and then cut it right!?! WELL after two+ years of not cutting it, I can say with no doubt that it SUCKED!!!!! How do all of you women deal with it? I had to wear a sweat band

when I worked out in the morning, I had to ALWAYS flop my hair out of my face when I was going to bed or doing anything that required my freakin' hair NOT to be in my mouth, I looked like Sideshow Bob when I washed it that morning and it was super humid outside. Or OTTO if I was wearing a hat.  I had a constant battle with it ALWAYS getting in my eyes and FYI- I lost the war too!!! During this over 2+ year journey, I was asked many questions about my hair making me look like a freaking 'occupy Wall Street' hippy was when my neighbor said "Can I ask you a personal question? What does your mother say about your hair?" HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT stress enough that I only did this to donate it. NOT to make a fashion statement. OKIE DOKIE???? 
 

WOO HOO!!! Guess what 6-30-14 was????? NATIONAL HAIR DAY!!!!! Kylee Keiner and I got our hair cut. 

So without further ado..... I present to you the 'clean cut ANDY' that you are use to seeing the past 20 years.... THANK YOU BABY JESUS it's all off!!! 

Mrs. Boike got into it as well. She gave me a ponytail from when she was a kid and her mom made her cut it short..... Hair is still good after 60 years right???? 

OH HEY!!!!! I'm pretty sure no one has really noticed BUT the number of people to visit this blog has jumped from 61k on May 1st to 110k!!!! GOOD LORD you say. I WISH that many people actually read this BUT in reality, it's all spammers!!! JERKS BUT I decided to answer one of their questions each blog post I do. So without further ado:

'chanel handbags outlet Hi there, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam feedback? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it's driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.'

HANDBAGS!!!!! I soooooooooooo need a new one but I can get a bootleg one from a coworker so I'm good. First off, FYI to the spammer, people would believe you more if you grammar wasn't such a joke. Now I will tell ya BECAUSE that how I roll even though you don't care.  There is no 'plugin' and you can't stop it 100% (look at how many page views I have) but you can slow it down by going to settings and 'posts and comments' then click yes on 'show word verification'......


 Now it's time for your moment of ZEN....

 

Say a good word up there for me will ya?

We on this Earth lost a really good one. Mr. Boike lost his battle with the D@MN 'C' word, cancer. It's just not fair that good people like him are not here with us but THIS @$$ CLOWN is!
Here are a few things I want to thank you for:

THANK YOU for paying me to clean your accounting firm even though there were nights I did it after I worked promotions for the Checkers and then an after party at Samson's Hole (Don't bother looking for it because it's gone) and 95% of the time I was PLASTERED and I THINK I cleaned your office... HA!

THANK YOU because you are one of the people that 'exposed' me to The Clark Howard Show.... You see when I cleaned your office, a few times it was on your radio at your desk and so now I download his podcast and listen EVERYDAY!

THANK YOU for ALWAYS being in the SAME section every time I did a promotion for the Checkers so I knew exactly where to throw a 106.5 'The End' t-shirt.....

THANK YOU for being one of the people to mold the way I think about money.

THANK YOU for helping me 'get back on my feet' when I moved back from WI. with the odd jobs you would give me.

THANK YOU for giving me 'the rabbits of the plant world' day lilies like 8 years ago. I always think I gave most of them away to friends at work BUT I STILL find some growing someplace and I always say to myself  "that's weird, I don't remember planting any here."

THANK YOU for buying the container, designed by someone from NASA, and filling it full of chocolate chips so I could relive my breakfasts in high school!!! 1st period= ON FIRE. 2nd period= sleeping....

THANK YOU for always laughing and just shaking your head when your wife would ask me a random question, usually about something that would make most people 'blush', and I would answer it honestly.....  

THANK YOU for buying that piece of property out on Lake Wylie in 1978 so years later I and your son and others could drink a beer or two out there when we weren't of legal age.

THANK YOU for always paying your son and I for all the bags of leaves we could fit in the Gran Torino station wagon so you could put them in your garden and instilling in me that ANY organic material is great for the soil.

THANK YOU for 'tolerating' your son and I using your garage to work on our cars when we were teenagers.

THANK YOU for sleeping soundly so that Boike had no problem coming home WHENEVER because he knew YOU would sleep through anything.

THANK YOU for always giving me tax advice when I had questions.

THANK YOU for taking this picture 15 years ago that I STILL laugh at!!

THANK YOU for having one of the best dry scene of humors that always had me laughing! 

THANK YOU for ALWAYS giving me a beer so I could cope with working on your computer that was as slow as the TRS 80 I worked on in Ms. Bednar's reading class in 1986.

THANK YOU for being an all around damn good guy!

Believe me now, and hear me later, tell someone how you feel about them before....... WELL..... BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE........

Go ahead "MAKE MY DAY punk"! HA!!! But seriously, it's that time of the year when you can ask me anything and I will answer it..... So fire away!!!!! The ground rules are that there ARE NONE!!!!! Leave me a question and I will TRY NOT to be a politician and SPIN IT!!!! I'd say write me a question on DA BOOK, Instagram, Twitter or MySpace (Is that ever around anymore?), but I'm hardly on them so just ask it here. OKIE DOKIE?

Before I go, I want to present a great piece of history which is now the center piece to my table on 'DA ODE'. I PRESENT to you the 'leaning tower of hot dogs'!!!! HA!!!!! Boike made this like 30 years ago in an art class.

Sure, it has a 'phallic' look to it, but I don't think the 8 year artist was going for that; I think his love of hot dogs was the main inspiration. Here, let's have the artist describe his sculpture:

"Dude, I did the thing in like 4th grade. I don't even know what I was thinking last year, let alone what drove me to build a tower of wieners. It could have been after seeing the Oscar Meyer Wiener mobile on I-95 coming back from Savannah. It could have been a wiener replica of the Eiffle tower (to defame the Frenchies most visible symbol, of when they were great, with the lowly HOT DOG). It could have been that I was in a bit of a box funk (you know after you build to many box like things in pottery class). Of course I did glaze it brown, so it could be some kind of dirty wiener too. In the end most of us artists like to leave what it means up to the people that view them, so please have your vast web audience let me know what they THINK it means!

*and please spell check this $hit!*

Have a great month and always remember that 'people don't leave jobs, they leave bosses'!!!!

WOW!!! I have some already..... That was quick... Let's begin.....
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Well thanks for the kind words but I do have to ask what am I 'uncovering' on the net? I ask myself a ton of times why I'm not as popular too!!!

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Thanks again! I'm glad you 'stumbled' on it and I'm pretty stoked that you are subscribing to it. Oh and BTW, I did check out your blog but I don't live in China so I think I will just stick with my Wii Fit. 
 

Anonymous asks- WOW!!! This guy asks A LOT of questions!

"Hello There. I found your blog using msn. That is a very smartly written article. I'll be sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your helpful information. Thanks for the post. I'll definitely comeback.

Thanks for the props bro but I've reread your post/question and I can't find anything remotely resembling a question.

SON OF A!!! They are as fake as some of the wigs the ladies wear at work!!!!! D@MN YOU SPAM!!! DAMN YOU TO H@LL!!

OKIE DOKIE! I feel a like a prom date now, USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED but I just need to get over it..... Leave me some REAL questions and I will respond to ya...

DAN asks: "Who cuts your hair?"
ANSWER- Being that it's usually pretty easy, #1 shield on some clippers and it's FREE, 'Catholic Kate' does it but I have not cut it in two + years. When K-Dawg, Mike Kiener's daughter Kylee, and I get it our hair cut at the end of this month, Kara K will cut it back to normal!!! Then Kate will resume her duties.....

MELISSA HANZSEK-BRILL asks: "Boxers or briefs?"
ANSWER- Neither!!! Been letting 'the boys' breathe since 1995... TOO RESTRICTIVE!!!

THANK GOD FOR KELLY!!!! I felt like a loser that only two people asked questions and I think it was because Dan and his wife Melissa felt sorry for me!!

KELLY SEDINGER asks: "What's with the new font they're using on interstate highway road signs?" 

ANSWER- I like it. I have noticed it each time I take trips. DUDE!!!! Did you know this is the FIRST time since they designed the interstate highway system that they have 'modified' the font? CHANGE is good once in a while..

AND "Why DOES food taste better outside?"
ANSWER- I think because usually when you eat out, it's a nice day and you are so happy about that fact, that the food ALWAYS tastes better.

AND " I give you a perfectly cooked burger and bun: what do you top it with?"
ANSWER- First off, it needs to be marinated in Chavetas (which reminds me, I sooooooooo have to get some when I am up there in a few weeks. Oh where was I???????? OH YEAH!!!! And any cheese, I know very plain but to me it's all you need to have if you have marinated with Chavetas!

AND "Favorite tree?" 
ANSWER- The weeping willow, HANDS DOWN!!!! We had a big one in the back yard at one of the houses we lived in growing up, Dean St. in Olean to be exact. Whenever I see one, I think of not having a care in the world, well one. What was mom going to have for me to eat at SNACK TIME!

AND "Of all the stuff in our old hometown that ain't there anymore, what makes you saddest that it ain't?"
ANSWER- It's a tie between the Sub Shop and the athletic field. My mouth ALWAYS starts to salevate when that place is ever brought up. Sure Fred, who owned the place is WEIRD, we saw him a few years ago at Fat Heads and he was wearing a woman's top, BUT the subs and pizza were "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sooooooooooooooooooo good!".
The other is the athletic field because if Mr. Curley or Mr. Bess had us go outside for gym class it meant that it was nice enough to finally go outside after it being too cold and snowy. Also it meant that the school year was winding down and summer was right around the corner. 

AND HIS LAST ONE.... "Do you ever get the sense that you haven't done shit with the twenty-plus years since you graduated HS (because I sure do)?" 

ANSWER: HA!!! I was just pondering this while I was playing outside (picking rocks) and whenever I hear this song Supertramp's song "Take the Longway Home" ("When you look through the years and see what you could have been oh, what might have been, if you'd had more time.") and came to this conclusion. Yeah I can look back on A LOT of things in my past and say "I would have done that different' BUT I'm NOT going to be that guy that thinks about that a lot. I did/didn't do stuff that would have made me happier or better in my life but regardless I live a pretty decent life. I have a roof over my head, I'm gainfully employed, money in the bank, I can go on but I won't.

BOIKE asks: "The chops you are currently rocking are past their expiration date. I will bet you $1 that you are not able to grow a kicking mustache in their place. What do you say? Take the bet?"
ANSWER: The 'chops' are apart of the whole package and will be removed on June 30th 'National Hair Day'.... I will NOT attempt to grow a mustache due to me STILL going through puberty and NOT being able to grow a full one!! HECK!! I would look like this guy with the 'senior prom party I THINK I am cool because I can sort of grow facial hair"mustache...

   
AND- "What is the story/experience that makes you laugh the hardest anytime you think about it (please don’t be about me!)?"
ANSWER: So many to choose from but the one time that will ALWAYS get me chuckling is when we were all on the roof of the RV in Michigan raising cain and Gary finally coming out after hours of trying to sleep and saying "WHAT THE HELL!! You guys bowling for dollars up there??" HA!!!!!

AND- "What is your favorite bar in Lancaster?"
ANSWER: I can never pronounce it but it is that hole in a wall/ converted gas station place. Sure it was smokey but it was super laid back and the few people that were in there with us loved hearing about our adventures in going to a few NASCAR tracks. Plus they served our beers in a CAN!!! FIRST CLASS ALL THE WAY BUDDY!!!!!!!
AND- "Is there anywhere on your ‘I want to go there’ list right now?"
ANSWER: YES!! I want to go to South Dakota and see the 'Crazy Horse' monument..... I have always wanted to go there just to experience it. I know it will not be done anytime soon BUT STILL!!
AND FINALLY- "Who will you be pulling for in the world cup?"
ANSWER: First off soccer/futbal is NOT my 'cup of tea' and I really don't see the USA being very competitive in it for at least 60 more years... In my very limited knowledge of the sport. I would say that Brazil of course is the favorite. They are hosting it and they want to impress the world even though the country is a DUMP!
STEPHANIE ALBRO asks "Now this I just HAVE to know..... What IS your favorite color?!"
ANSWER: I'd have to say black, NO i'm not GOTH or anything,

and NO none of the rooms at casa de McBride are that color either. It represents and old friend who died before, YOU YOUNG LADY, were even a twinkle in your mom's eye. It was 1988 and a friend of my older brother was tragically killed in an auto ACCIDENT. Fade to Black from Metallica was one of his favorite songs. Even to this day when it comes up on my iTouch, I revert back to that little 8th grader that just found out a very cool kid died that day.

I know that if you just go by the lyrics, you would think he was suicidal but he wasn't. He was a musician and he loved the way the song was 'structured'.....

DA anatomy of a blog entry

 I ALWAYS revert back to Ms. Kautz' class in 1985 and start with a rough draft of ideas that I have pondered, usually during my 'moment of Zen' AKA 'PICKING ROCKS'! HA!!!! Some have the bottle, a pipe or a TV to 'veg out' in front of to cope with things we alllllllll have to deal with; an @$$ clown at work, AHHH H@LL anything there, relationships, money, choices... The list goes on. I have ROCKS! I just throw on some old clothes, work gloves, knee pads and put my iTouch to 'shuffle'. I then pick rocks that I can use for one of the many projects I have going on at casa de McBride1. Being that I really don’t have a deadline per se, I work on the topic, adding stuff, grammatically fixing for weeks, months, sometimes even years!!! I look at it like a virtual diary that the nurses at the old folks home can go to and put me in front of so I can reminisce about stuff I use to do. I forgot about this until BUBBY, a GUY I work with, sent me his wife's blog. I think a blog is about YOU and your interests and thoughts. Kelly blogs about some stuff I really don't care too much about BUT that's OKIE DOKIE with me because it's HIS blog DANG NABBIT!!!! Anyways, I then send it to a proof reader, FYI I’m on my third one! My first was Steph and she would ‘suggest’ I add stuff that made me think “who would EVER think I actually said that?” Then there was Amanda who went M.I.A on me, rumor has it that she went on one of her ‘EVERYONE NEEDS TO BREAST FEED’ tangents and has never come back. HA!!!!!! My old friend the MS. KATE in Portland, OR does it for me. I send it to her via email, she looks it over and highlights punctuation errors and misspellings. Sure there might be something’s that you will look at and say, “That soooooooooo doesn’t look right” BUT you can see me saying something like that and that’s what I am ALWAYS going for. Through the years my mother has even volunteered to be a proofreader, “THANKS but I am good mom”. There are quite a few items that I have written where I can see her saying “Andrew?  Is that something you really need to tell people?” HA!!!! Her rules would be: 1. DON’T say anything that MIGHT embarrass ME or someone in our family. 2. Don’t be mean. 3. DID I MENTION, DON’T say anything that might embarrass me or someone in our family. Well that's happened A LOT soooooooooooo I think we are TOOOOOOOOOOO late!!! My favorite line EVVVVVVVER was when she said, "ANDREW, I can't believe you wrote that, I can ONLY image what your great uncle Bernie thinks." Between you and me, I think he laughs and like most people just shakes his head. In the past, I have published an entry BEFORE a project I have been working on is completed BUT I really don't like doing that. I feel I am TEASING you like a prom date!!!! I want the job to be complete before I blabber to you about it. When this happens, I always have a back up entry ready to go if needed. I think of it as my PLAN 'B'!! FYI, I LOVE 'back up' plans! OH and in case you were wondering, these are just a couple of the projects that I have used all the gravel I have picked in my ZEN MOMENT!

Sorry this post is short, but I didn't do too much to casa de McBride due to having to deal with some crazy stuff happening at work and it raining A LOT!! I have thoughts on this BUT I will keep them to myself because the last time I checked, CHICKS like guys with a job and NOT laying on their couch watching daytime TV.

OH and don't think you are the first, NOR will you be the last person that is PI$$ed at me for NOT playing your mind games!!! Been there, done that and I got the T-shirt....  

1. This is an old picture because the digital camera I used for these kind of shots died and I am soooooooooooooooooooooo too cheap to buy another one! HA!!!

Update, thoughts and....

Other stuff that are on my mind that I think the 5 people that read this might like to know...

• Health-wise I have my good and bad days, and I know I need to go to Duke Medical and have another neurologist look me over and NOT try to charge me 12k for blood work! YEAP!!! 12 thousand EFFING DOLLARS! Needless to say, I almost had a heart attack in my kitchen when I opened the bill!!! I will soooooooooooooo tell ya the story if ya want to hear it.....Oh, and for you people that only spew out sounds bites from your political party, the Affordable Care Act AKA OBAMACARE would NOT have changed that. Where was I, OH YEAH, an old A-TOWER, DEEE LITE (the girl on the right)

         had some brain surgery up there and gave me all the info of who to see... Also, I feel VERY comfortable when Mrs. Boike comes with me, she is like a pit bull and asks and DEMANDS all the questions her and I ask to the doctor are answered. I love that the Dr. will say something and she will look at me, if I have a 'puzzled' look, she will say, "you need to explain that again because Andy didn't understand what you said." She has got A LOT on her plate with a husband dealing with brain cancer, so I told her that I can wait... Not all days I have are good, sometimes run into stuff and I DREAD going down some stairs BUT I manage and I just take my time doing stuff. Speaking of that, I will NEVER forget being at the airport like 15 years ago and witnessing a guy fall down a flight. After he stopped tumbling, he was all bloodied and had the 'I CAN'T believe that just happened to me' look... That STILL haunts me today. For the people that DON'T KNOW than READ THIS!

• Been thinking since last summer of not going to BEER-PA-LOOZA. I personally feel that it has 'run its course'. NO WAIT, I think I will still go up to A-Town and other stops BUT I don't think I will go to BEER-PA-LOOZA and instead of just taking 2 1/2 weeks off to go up there, I will take a week in June and then make another trip up there in August.

• WOW!!! This is my birthday month!!!! I will be celebrating 20 years of not needing my fake I.D to purchase UMMMMMMMMMMM 'adult beverages'!!! WOO HOO!!!! BEHOLD the actual receipt from my first purchase of beer!! 

         FYI- I NEVER looked back after this!!!! BEER and B@@BIES RULE!! Speaking of that.......

• Ode to B@@B!  Yep, you read that right. using the SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET compass I used in Mr. Rickle's (R.I.P) drafting class in 1992, I designed a patio and a fire pit in ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm the shape of, well, you know. We had to make a few 'alterations' to the design of the patio due to the proximity of the septic tank and leach bed but the FIRE PIT looks AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWESOME!!!!

This is just PART of the many things I am doing to the back yard so it doesn't look NASTY! I may not be the fastest at doing stuff but DANG NABBIT it will get done... Let's go back in time shall we? The year was 2009 and I inherited a sorry @$$ deck when I bought the house....

You couldn't even walk on it with your bare feet because it was it such bad shape, CAN YOU SAY 'SPLINTERVILLE'? So I and a friend showed it who was boss- ME!!!

 Getting back to the fire pit, it is the best representation of the part of the female body that I think is pretty darn cool! I'm pretty sure guys AND some girls, will 'appreciate' seeing it when they are flying in or out of Charlotte. I'm also sure Agent 2112 of the NSA will LOVE seeing it when he is operating the SPYONEVERYBODY SR2000 satellite. Here ya go!! Those geeks at Google haven't

updated it BUT it will be RIGHT here and here is a 'ground level' shot.

          I ALWAYS had a fire pit

but last summer I started thinking of ‘upgrading’ it due to seeing mama and papa Gaughn’s one that we all sat around at BUCKOFEST in July.

• As you can see in the picture above, the hair is long enough and will be coming off Monday 6/30, along with K-DAWG (Kylee Kiener), 

       

        we will be visiting Kara, an old friend from A-TOWN who is a hair dresser and will cut it for us

        and then we will donate it to WIGS FOR KIDS! 

That's all I got for ya this month, REMEMBER to fly low and beat the radar...... It's a phrase I learned in the 80's and came from one of the best shows EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER!