'HAPPY whatever doesn't offend you'!!! Version III




Welcome to the 3rd annual... Because I like MOST of you, I'm here to give you some knowledge about finance, computers, cars and a few things in between so YOU can have a net worth of $1 MILLION DOLLARS like me! HA!!!!!! KIDDING OR AM I!?!??!!? You decide............. SO YOU KNOW, being this is the 3rd edition, I add links as I think about them throughout the year and they are in RED!
The majority of stuff I am about to give you is FREE and info that I think will help you out! WOO HOO!!!

FINANCE:
COMPUTER:

  • http://free.avg.com/us-en/homepage -This is a FREE anti-virus program for your home computer. It's all you need TRUST ME ON THIS! I have been using it for YEARS and I have had no problems ever!!! 
  • http://www.newegg.com/ - NOT FREE but D@MN good to have so you are NOT 'up a creek' if your computer dies..... You'll be glad you backed up your pictures from your 'experience' at Mardi Gras 99!!!! 
  • http://www.openoffice.org/ -So you're all set to pay a lot of $ for Microsoft Office? WELL!!!! This looks a little different BUT is basically the same thing and it's A LOT cheaper then Microsoft Office!!! IT'S FREE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, and Google Docs is cool too! Happy now Karen?
  • http://www.iobit.com/advancedsystemcareper.html -This FREE program scans your computer and fixes 'issues' that are making your computer run slow.....
AUTO:

  • http://www.recalls.gov/ Don't be that guy/gal that has possible 'issues' with your car because you weren't aware of a recall that was issued by your auto maker months ago! Register your email and they will send you a notice if there is a recall on your car!
  • http://www.scangauge.com/products/scangaugee/ Sure it costs money BUT it's worth it!!!! You will recoup it by driving smarter...... I have had it for almost ten years and it ROCKS!!!! It plugs into your OBDII connection (the computer on your car). KRIPES! It's all they do when you take your car to a mechanic.... They plug in to it to see what's wrong with it.  
MISC:

  • http://www.ehow.com/ This site RULES!!! It shows you how to do ANYTHING!!!! KRIPES!! It helped me learn how to freakin tile and I would say it turned out OKIE DOKIE!
  • http://www.antennaweb.org/ It's ALL good if you think of me as a NERD, I'm cool with it, but I know about TV and radio stuff (HELLO! I'm a 'TV and radio production' degree holder from ASU, YEAP I went to college, SHOCKER HUH? ALL stations in the USA are mandated by the FCC to broadcast in HDTV! I know the reason they did this but I will spare you that info, all you need to know is that you can get a 'CRAZY' amount of channels (network TV, NOT ESPN and stuff) just with an antenna! ********** AGAIN! NETWORK TV NOT CABLE STATIONS************* BUT don't fret because you can ask Shonteea, coworker of mine, about some reality show and she will give you detailed events of each episode (THANK GOD FOR MY iTouch! But seriously, Almost all of the network (ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX) plus all the cable channels, ESPN, CNN, BRAVO, ALL have the shows on their web sites so you can download and watch them and this will help you put it on your TV instead of the screen on your computer.
  • https://twitter.com/, https://www.facebook.com/login.php?next=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fhome.php%3Fsk%3Dapp_2915120374, https://plus.google.com/ Say what you want about social media, TWITTER and 'DA BOOK' aka Facebook, Google+ BUT they are GREAT because of all the info you get from them! PEOPLE! I get all the information I can handle about football and other stuff by 'following' people from current and past players of the Buffalo Bills and news outlets from around the country. KRIPES! I knew Ryan Fitzpatrick (one of MANY Ex-Bills QB) was going to throw an interception because he tweeted that he had a hang nail early in the day. HANG NAIL= INT!!!!! PLUS Famous people will reply to you if you ask them a question! KRIPES! I almost FAINTED when Thurman Thomas 'retweeted' me!!!! MY life was complete at that moment!
  • http://www.straighttalk.com/ - One of those contracts that most companies make you sign are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO '20th century'. Straight talk is a contract FREE phone service that RULES, been a customer since 2010. Depending on the phone you select, it works off the Verizon, ATandT or the Sprint networks..... I, ANDY McBRIDE, HAVE NEVER HAD 'ISSUES' WITH NOT GETTING OR SENDING A CALL!!
  • http://mymixer.wordpress.com/ After you get your new phone, go here to make custom rings instead of PAYING FOR THEM. I made one out of this song for a call that comes from someone that I do not know and each person in my 'contacts' has their own ring tone. 
  • On the theme of 'STICKING IT TO THE MONOPOLY TELEPHONE/CABLE COMPANY', this thing is like totally rad!!!! I have been using it for the last few months and I would have loved to say, that I have zero to .00000001% issues with it BUT I had a slight issue when I got it and they had to send me a new one. The language barrier was inconvenient but I got through it. You pay for the unit and depending on how much data you use, you can use this to check, you pay this a month. If you think that paying for the unit up front is not your ' cup of tea' then I advise you continue being DA MAN'S personal  BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTCH!!!
  • http://www.startsdownload.com/picasa/ - This is for all of you that are over the age of 60!!!!! This is a free photo editor. So the next time you take pictures of your grandkids and they are sideways or scanning something and NOT cropping it. I think YOU should edit it through this site BEFORE you post and, cause me and others, a kinked neck trying to view it. 
  • http://wncgreenblogcollective.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/amys-energy-efficiency-gift-buying-guide/ - I'm not a freakin' 'tree huggin' hippy' even though I looked like one when I had long hair, BUT I do like saving money and this is a ,במתיקות that's 'SWEET' in Hebrew, link of stuff that will help you save money and possibly 'live off the grid' thus stick it to 'THE MAN'. 

There are other sites but I can't think of them right now but I hoped these helped ya out a little. MERRY CHRISTMAS KIDS and I hope Santa gave you everything you asked for this year.


P.S. I wrote this to all of my coworkers AFTER 'THE MAN' laid off most of the people in our department AKA 'BLACK WEDNESDAY': "OKIE DOKIE! The past week has REALLY put things in 'perspective' so I decided to write, as my co worker Shonteea would say, the little 'ANDY BEEEEEEEEEOTCHIN' investment guide'. I want to get this out because I want y'all to know this if they decide that we are not needed anymore. This will be short and sweet but I think you'll get the gist of it so you are NOT on the 'Alpo retirement plan' (You are sooooo broke when you retire that you have to eat dog food because you can't afford 'people food'). FIRST OFF, I think it's pretty cool that you ask me for financial advice, contrary to popular belief, I like helping people BUT I DO have my limits! Just ask my cube mate!!!! ALRIGHT, enough of the warm and fuzzy cr@p, let's get down to business. 
- ALWAYS remember that the turtle ALWAYS beats the rabbit. Apply this phrase to your investing. You are NOT looking to make the 'quick buck' in the next week, month or year because there is a really good chance you will loose it just as quick.
- K.I.S (keep it simple and yes DULL! Boring mutual funds= less risk. Single stocks= A LOT of
  RISK. Look at mutual funds that have been around for at least 10 or more years and average a
  good track record.
- DO NOT use the news as your financial adviser, the news is all about DOOM and GLOOM!   
  KRIPES, their motto is 'IF IT BLEEDS, IT LEADS'!  
- Look at what your 401k is in once in a while, I'll be the first to tell ya that I am bad at this. I just 
  looked at mine today and when I was helping some other people out a few months ago, for the
  first time in years. BAD ME!!!
     1. You can adjust your funds that you are in manually or you can keep them in one of the
         'target market' funds (just figure out when you want to retire, the year, and put your money in
         that. It's like 'auto pilot' for your money. It's personal choice....).
     2. Well Fargo matches up to 6%, so set your contribution to at least that and ALWAYS add to
          it no matter what. 'Catholic Kate' AKA my mom (NO I don't call her that to her face) instilled
          in me to ALWAYS contribute to it. She also did a fabulous job with the whole 'Catholic guilt'
          thing!!!
     3. There are some GREAT references that they offer us that explain the 401k plan A LOT better
         than I do. Just log in to your account and on the top of the page there is a tab called
        'Planning and Education' then click 'Education Resources Center' and read to your little 
        heart's content . Also just search '401k' on the internet.   
 I could go on and on about this but I won't because I you to roll you eyes at me and say "OK!
 I get it old man!' "

OH AND ONE MORE THING! I have a sweet drink for you to enjoy during the winter months. It consists of Baileys or the knockoff stuff I get at Aldi, hot chocolate, a Keurig (you are a SIMPLETON if you don't have one) a generic K- cups adapter you get at Dollar General.............. Put 2 shots of Baileys in a mug and fill the K-cup with some hot chocolate. run your Keurig. Mix the hot chocolate with the Baileys, AND VOILA!!! After two or three you will feel 'comfortably numb' and enjoying the great holiday season! YOU'RE WELCOME!!!


And now for your monthly 'ANSWERING CRAP' where I answer a spammer's, usually stupid question: "Legal Service, who says you should be over 18 years of age and on the advertising car insurance for 1 day display most people did not notice them. This would normally be cause for concern however, I know that I'm not making a major purchase house or car in the next section. Even if you are buying a house, can use 'loans for bad credit' domain."  LEGAL SERVICES??????? SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET, but I must pass because I have a friend who is a lawyer and gives me some excellent legal advise when I need it......... NO!!!!! Not "Hey Carb, how do I dispose of a dead homeless guy who nobody is gonna miss, body???" 


Speaking of a Keurig, here is the Kim Karashian edition and your moment of zen!!!! WIN/WIN BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!!!





Comments

Robyn said…
Thanks Andy! Usually talking about money stuff gives me diarrhea but you somehow make it fun. Merry Christmas!
Andy McBride said…
DIARRHEA CHA,CHA,CHA!!!!

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