Monday, April 01, 2019


 Some, well most, think I am a SIMPLE MAN and if I can still do it myself, DANG NABBIT, I will! This is a guide for my nephews so they are not like the 'punks' I work with that don't even know how to wipe their own @SS if there mom or dad were not there to do it for them..... PLUS girls, not 'burn your bras' ones, love a guy that knows how to actually do stuff.1 NOW I am not talking about building a freakin' house or anything, just simple stuff that will make your life easier. 

  • KNOW how to do required maintenance on one. It will save you $ and you will know it was done RIGHT. PLUS it will run for a VERY long time.
  • Oil change 
  • AIR FILTER change 
Mike C., Joe W. and I in 1992

  • ALWAYS have an emergency kit (part I and part II) in the trunk of your car BECAUSE trust me, you will need to use it one day! 




  • Now your parents might not appreciate this 4 BUT I know that you will be at a keg/field party or two in your teen years and if you want to impress the ladies instantly,
                 1. Know how to build a fire. FYI- GIRLS LOOOOOOVE to be warm.......

                 2. Know how to pour a beer from a keg WITHOUT a ton of foam.
3. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, FIRST you need to know how to tap one.


 These are just a few thing I can think of 'right off the bat'. If you have anymore questions, just ask. 85% of the time I, your 45 year old uncle who has so far lived a good life, will know the answer. Take care and I will talk to you next month and remember that you just can't fix 'stupid'.

1.Let's just admit that 95% of the stuff guys do is to get some 'action'. This may not be P.C but it's TRUE!

2. 3. If you do these things for a lady, she will THINK you are a GOD!

4.  Do NOT get mad at me for this because I can guarantee they would simple 'google' How do you tap a keg?

5. Thanks to Todd and Dave for teaching me this at one of Dave's parties in 87. Oh and FYI- YOUR DAD partied right along side of me!

Friday, March 29, 2019

It's FINALLY done! Can I get an "AMEN" from the congregation???

 SORRY FOR THE DELAY (LIKE anyone noticed) but it freakin wouldn't stop raining AT LEAST three times a week! Been working on this for a few months, AS YOU KNOW!

 The reason that it has taken me FOREVER to do it (started in September and it has been 'touch and go' until now) is because mother nature has NOT been kind to me. It has rained SOOOOOOOO often and I hate working out in the mud. KRIPES! My idea of fun is NOT slipping and sliding holding big rocks and usually falling in it.

This is my working conditions. FYI- MUD SUUUUUUUCKS!

Not too sure if the driver was a guy or a girl but
 IT was cool.

  • So with that, I did a little section at a time. I 'modified' the ditch with dams I made out of broken up concrete and the rip rap in between each one.
 And here it is in all of it's glory. ENJOY because, sure as heck, I will now it's done!

 Now I have my limitations but I usually can do 'handy man' stuff. Thanks to these guys, I am able to do things around the house and so an old work friend of mine asked me to put up some back splash for her. Now it's NOT perfect and I ALWAYS think that it's NOT (I am not the only one that feels this way, my cousin Chris battles the same demon) but Julie and her husband are VERY happy with it and that's all that matters.

 AND with the help from my neighbor Jimmy, fix a valve so I can have water again! Indoor plumbing RUUUUULES , FYI- You don't realize how good it is until you don't have it for a day or two!!!!!!

A valve that shuts off the water in your house

 The valve was broke and leaking so I dug it up and Jimmy and I simply replaced it, the new valve just screws on the pipes, and it was that easy.

 Talk to ya next month and remember to put things in perspective. Stress is NOT having the clerk at Starbucks screw up your order, it's being an 18 year old ABOUT to storm for beaches of Normandy knowin' damn well that the chances of living are slim to none.

Friday, February 01, 2019


 I didn't do too much this month due nothing but LAZINESS! Heck most days I would sit chair with my cozy fire and some snacks in my backroom watching you tube videos. No rhyme or reason, from a guy working on a 3 wheeler, remember them?, how to clean out an old gas tank, a guy cutting huge pieces of wood with his saw mill, the Mt Saint Helen's eruption, Queen concert from 19811. and the football life of Eric Dickerson. Pretty random stuff. Here are a few highlights and thoughts from the month of January 2019

  • Had my nephews (Jack, Charlie and Nicholas) over for a sleepover...
          1. I fed them CRAP like pizza and ice cream.
          2. Watched some football and saw Charlie's Seahawks LOSE! UGH Charlie-arlie,
              I was pulling for them because I dislike the Cowboys.
  • Started organizing and rearranging my work shop and had a few "OH SNAP, I forgot I had this" moments.

  • I am reading this book and I am amazed that certain people thought this was a great idea in 1969. "Hey guys, I've got a great idea! Let's put on a free concert for over 300k people and change the venue a few weeks before the show and here is my greatest idea, we can have the Hells Angels do the security! Oh and we can just pay them with a truck of beer! Sounds like a great idea huh!?!?!"
  • UGH! The hallmark channel. I loath this channel but my parents LOVE it. Now I know what hell is like, having to watch this ALL DAY!  Here is a break down for EVERY crappy movie on this God forsaken channel:
          1. Guy or gal brings the new boo to their small town.
          2. The new BOO is TOO good or just doesn't fit in for the simple people in the town.
          3. Guy or gal falls back in love with their boo from the past and FROM the town.
          4. Guy or gal kicks new boo to the curb and realizes that their old boo was ALWAYS 'the   
  • I did something that I have NEVER done but wanted to a few times, I just flat out quit a job, the one at Lowes, no notice or anything. I just said "I QUIT" after this joker pi$$ed me off. HA! It felt good but icky at the same time. 3.
  • With that little nugget of info, I have plenty of times on my hand to get the ditch done. COME HELL OR HIGH WATER it will be and we all will be better people because of it. WOO HOO!
Just a few more feet (LIKE 100 more) to go and it will be done.

 I will talk to ya next month when I PROMISE the front ditch will be done! Until then fly below the radar and ALWAYS remember that YOU not Trump, Nancy Pelosi or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez control your life. YOU do and no one else! Have a great month.

1. And kids, this was BEFORE they had auto tune so YOU had no choice but to sing in the right key.

2. This usually happens in the town gazebo.

3. I'm NOT mad about it, well I am sad I will not see certain people anymore, and it's the nature of the beast. The best example of this is in football. A NEW head coach is hired and the first thing they do is CLEAN HOUSE and discard the employees from the former regime. The ones that do stay are made uncomfortable so they will be upset with it all and quit. The new regime wants THEIR people that they think can do it better. I have seen it 100 times and I should have seen it coming when I met her (NEW MANAGER) in the fall.

Tuesday, January 01, 2019


 HEY KIDS!!! I just wanted to show you the two items that have 'changed my life'........ Yeah OK so I MIGHT be exaggerating that last statement BUT they are pretty SWEET! 

  • First up is the 'squatty potty'.....

         So as you might know, I am really cheap so I built one out of spare wood I had around and I painted it and added a Flowmaster and S.T.P sticker. INSERT POTTY JOKE HERE!

This is what S.T.P stands for.

  • I am a 'LITTLE' and religiously listen to the TK show PODCAST and one of the guests is Steve Sands. He was working for NBC during their Olympic coverage in South Korea. He called in to the show and for the first 20 minutes all he talked about was the toilet in his hotel. So I 'googled'  Korean toilet seat AND this is what I got. Oh and in case you were wondering, I saved up my tip money until I had $219..... Sure I got the money but with ANYTHING I want, I enjoy actually saving up for it. I like the feeling of the whole process. Call me old fashion but it has worked for me since 1973.1
  • I will spare you any pictures but I will give these instructions if you come by casa de McBRIDE and wanna experience what heaven is like. Oh and I keep them right next to the 'throne' in case you need to review them.

 And now for ya "GOOD LORD, is he still working on that?" Ditch update.....

Have a great 2019 and I will talk to ya next month....

1.That was the year I was born.

Saturday, December 01, 2018


 Or whatever you celebrate...

 Because I like MOST of you, I'm here to give you some knowledge about finance, computers, cars and a few things in between so YOU can have a net worth of $1 MILLION DOLLARS like me! HA!!!!!! KIDDING OR AM I!?!??!!? You decide..........

The majority of stuff I am about to give you is FREE and info that I think will help you out! WOO HOO!!!

  • It's a great way to MANAGE your finances. It downloads all of your bank and loan accounts. 
  • Dave Ramsey's team has one as well, BUT you have to pay to have your bank download your transactions. Until it's FREE, I will not use that feature BUT I used it to set up a budget. FYI- BUDGET is NOT a foul word and setting up one is NOT rocket science.
      • So with ANY investment you have, 401K and stuff like that, there is a FEE the company running it charges you. This site runs the #'s for you and tells you what the total fee will be when you retire! Sure it asks you for the log in to your investment BUT IT IS TOTALLY LEGIT!!!! KRIPES if Clark Howard mentioned it then I am soooooooooo cool with it!
            • This guy and his site RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULE because he has a "R-I.Q" that tells you if what your saving for retirement is enough or if you are screwed and gonna TRY to live off of social INsecurity...
              • and -THESE two are my 'GO TO GUYS' when I have ANY financial question, WORDS can't describe what I have learned from them!!!!!! They rock like KISS at the Thomas and Mack Center at Las Vegas in 88!!!! I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS THERE AND 'Rock 'N' Rolled All Night and Partied Every Day'!!!!!!
              • THIS is one of the only ways you can protect yourself if your ID is stolen. It's not 'STEEL CLAD' but it's worth doing because if someone that has stolen your I.D tries to apply for more credit then they will get rejected because your 'credit' has been frozen and only YOU have the codes to thaw it....So in conclusion, DON'T believe all the crap companies like LifeLock and others try to sell ya (they work like this, they monitor your credit AFTER it's been stolen! This is the ONLY way to protect yourself!!!! BE PROACTIVE!!!   
              • -OH AND THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT so settle down! More than likely WE, anyone under 50, will NOT have social security or it will look completely different when it's our time to retire. IT'S SIMPLE MATH!!! This is a good way to prevent being on the 'Alpo retirement plan' (That is when you can't afford 'people food' and you have to eat dog food to survive. They make it as easy as a prom date to set up an I.R.A and their customer services reps are knowledgeable and NOT a freakin' call center in India! They can also help you set up a 529 plan. Watch out because I am about to get on my soap box!!!!! Being an expert on MY opinion, I think it's YOUR duty as a parent to save for your child's education. You need to start right when you find out you're 'knocked up'!!! Don't be that mom/dad that has to expose your child to student loans because YOU weren't prepared and you have to look your child in the eye and say 'I'm sorry' when they are 23 and have over $30+ in student loans they have to pay back.
              •  Speaking of kids, If you have a 'special needs' one then you can do this!! It's basically a 529 plan but instead of using for higher education, you can use the money for future needs....
              • Almost ALL 50 states participate in this... Any $ that is owned to YOU has to be given back to YOU! Use these site to find any $ that MIGHT be owed to you and the state HAS to give it to you. 

              • -This is a FREE anti-virus program for your home computer. It's all you need TRUST ME ON THIS! I have been using it for YEARS and I have had no problems ever!!!
              • - NOT FREE but D@MN good to have so you are NOT 'up a creek' if your computer dies..... You'll be glad you backed up your pictures from your 'experience' at Mardi Gras 99!!!! 
              • -So you're all set to pay a lot of $ for Microsoft Office? WELL!!!! This looks a little different BUT is basically the same thing and it's A LOT cheaper then Microsoft Office!!! IT'S FREE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, and Google Docs is cool too! Happy now Karen? 
              • -This FREE program scans your computer and fixes 'issues' that are making your computer run slow.....

              NOT A HIPPY but energy stuff is ALWAYS on my mind:

              • Don't be that guy/gal that has possible 'issues' with your car because you weren't aware of a recall that was issued by your auto maker months ago! Register your email and they will send you a notice if there is a recall on your car!
              • Sure it costs money BUT it's worth it!!!! You will recoup it by driving smarter...... I have had it for almost ten years and it ROCKS!!!! It plugs into your OBDII connection (the computer on your car). KRIPES! It's all they do when you take your car to a mechanic.... They plug in to it to see what's wrong with it.  

              MISC (STICKING IT TO 'DA MAN'!!):

              • It's ALL good if you think of me as a NERD, I'm cool with it, but I know about TV and radio stuff (HELLO! I'm a 'TV and radio production' degree holder from ASU, YEAP I went to college, SHOCKER HUH? ALL stations in the USA are mandated by the FCC to broadcast in HDTV! I know the reason they did this but I will spare you that info, all you need to know is that you can get a 'CRAZY' amount of channels (network TV, NOT ESPN and stuff) just with an antenna! ********** AGAIN! NETWORK TV NOT CABLE STATIONS************* BUT don't fret because you can ask Shonteea, a former coworker of mine, about some reality show and she will give you detailed events of each episode (THANK GOD FOR MY iTouch! But seriously, Almost all of the network (ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX) plus all the cable channels, ESPN, CNN, BRAVO, ALL have the shows on their web sites so you can download and watch them and this will help you put it on your TV instead of the screen on your computer.
              • One of those contracts that most companies make you sign are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO '20th century'. Republic is a contract FREE phone service that RULES. It runs off of WIFI but if there isn't WIFI then it runs off the Sprint network. I, ANDY McBRIDE, HAVE NEVER HAD 'ISSUES' WITH NOT GETTING OR SENDING A CALL!! I pay $10 bucks a month for it and I am not sure what their business model is BUT I do love saving money and their customer service is 2nd to NONE!!!! I am one happy camper!!!!

              There are other sites but I can't think of them right now but I hoped these helped ya out a little. MERRY CHRISTMAS KIDS and I hope Santa gave you everything you asked for this year.

               OH and if this is not enough info for ya, check out this guy's links CLICK HERE 

               P.S. I wrote this to all of my coworkers AFTER 'THE MAN' laid off most of the people in our department AKA 'BLACK WEDNESDAY'AHHHHH The JOY of working for corporate America: "OKIE DOKIE! The past week has REALLY put things in 'perspective' so I decided to write, as my former co worker Shonteea would say, the little 'ANDY BEEEEEEEEEOTCHIN' investment guide'. I want to get this out because I want y'all to know this if they decide that we are not needed anymore. This will be short and sweet but I think you'll get the gist of it so you are NOT on the 'Alpo retirement plan' (You are soooooooooo broke when you retire that you have to eat dog food because you can't afford 'people food'). FIRST OFF, I think it's pretty cool that you ask me for financial advice, contrary to popular belief, I like helping people BUT I DO have my limits! Just ask my former cube mate!!!! ALRIGHT, enough of the warm and fuzzy cr@p, let's get down to business. 
              ALWAYS remember that the turtle beats the rabbit EVERY TIME. Apply this phrase to your investing. You are NOT looking to make the 'quick buck' in the next week, month or year because there is a really good chance you will loose it just as quick.
              - K.I.S (keep it simple and yes DULL! Boring mutual funds= less risk. Single stocks= A LOT of
                RISK. Look at mutual funds that have been around for at least 10 or more years and average a
                good track record.
              - DO NOT use the news as your financial adviser, the news is all about DOOM and GLOOM!
                KRIPES, their motto is 'IF IT BLEEDS, IT LEADS'!  
              - Look at what your 401k is in once in a while, I'll be the first to tell ya that I am bad at this. I just
                looked at mine today and when I was helping some other people out a few months ago, for the
                first time in years. BAD ME!!!
                   1. You can adjust your funds that you are in manually or you can keep them in one of the
                       'target market' funds (just figure out when you want to retire, the year, and put your money
                       in that. It's like 'auto pilot' for your money. It's personal choice....).
                   2. Well Fargo matches up to 6%, so set your contribution to at least that and ALWAYS add to
                        it no matter what. 'Catholic Kate' AKA my mom (NO I don't call her that to her face) instilled
                        in me to ALWAYS contribute to it. She also did a fabulous job with the whole 'Catholic guilt'
                   3. There are some GREAT references that they offer us AND YOURS that explain the 401k
                       plan A LOT better than I do. Just log in to your account and on the top of the page
                       there is a tab called 'Planning and Education' then click 'Education Resources Center' and
                       read to your little heart's content . Also just search '401k' on the internet.  

               I could go on and on about this but I won't because I you to roll you eyes at me and say "OK!
               I get it old man!' "

              OH and I worked on another section of the ditch.

               Have a great 2019 and remember "always forgive BUT NEVER forget" Wil Zues ! FYI! I have been blogging since 2005, this will be my 14th freakin' year! GOOD LORD!

              Friday, November 30, 2018

              BONUS ENTRY!

               I was shopping at my FAVORITE store (BIG LOTS) and the empty store next to it had a huge sign saying "FUTURE HOME OF HARBOR FREIGHT". That right there is a WIN/WIN situation!  Now this is a store I love to go to. Sure they sell CRAP but if you looking for something that will get the job done BUT may not last too long after that and for a great price, HARBOR FREIGHT is for you......

               I have a couple more thoughts I want to share:

              • Harbor Freight has taken the crown of "tools I really don't need" from a store Boike and I LOOOOOOOVED in the early 90s. It was called Northern Hydraulics but now it is called just Northern Tool. They use to sell CRAP too for REALLY cheap but I am not sure they do anymore!
              • My mother LOATHES going there, she says it smells, OH WELL! But dad and I love going there. HECK! We just go and look around at all the 'junk' they sell and we might buy something.
              • ALDI, BOJANGLES, BIG LOTS AND NOW HARBOR FREIGHT! All in a 5 mile radius of casa de McBride! WOO HOO! I NEVER have to leave L-TOWN again!*
               THERE, I just wanted to get that off my chest and can I get a "HALLELUJAH" from the congregation??????

                Also I want to give a 'SHOUT OUT' to my sister in law who threw a pretty DOLCE (That's Spanish for 'SWEET') Thanksgiving party. FIRST OFF! She has some REALLY hot FRIENDS and the food/ atmosphere ROCKED! KUDOS to you young lady!

               And some sad news from the R.A news desk St. Cloud, MN corespondent Dan Brill. The guy who we and all AMERICA called a WEIRDO because of the stuff he did to his house.

               Died of an apparent "heart attack" while enjoying his time in Thailand..... So what is the over/under that hairless Asian boy and a mountain of "nose candy" on the night stand were involved?

               OH YEAH! I did another section of the ditch....

              * Except when I go to worship statues of the Virgin Mary! That's what Catholics do right?  At least that is what those silly Protestants think!  ANYWAYS, The church is 12 miles away and OUT of my 5 mile radius.

              Thursday, November 01, 2018

              TICKING AWAY! The thorn in my side part III

               Where does it go? Enough of me whining like a politician (THEY ALL DO IT and it doesn't matter what side of the aisle they are on. ANYWAYS! Here is what I did this month:
              • Slept
              • Ate
              • Worked my two jobs (Lowes and Papa Johns)
              • Watched some 'tool porn'. NERDY I KNOW BUT!!
              • Dealt with the kids I work with (am I crazy or are all kids just stupid?) HA! I bet $100 that some one said that about me when I was a kid.
              • Worked on the ditch from HELL!
              The one side of the driveway (smallest section) is done.
              • My old friend Todd and his girlfriend (Elouise) came down and we, Todd actually cut them, took out the LAST two NATAS (SATAN backwards) pine trees at casa de McBride. 

              Todd showing those pine trees who was boss!
              Him and his chain saw dang nabbit!

               So as of now, there is only ONE crappy tree left (cedar) on my property and his days are numbered! I will cut him down soon enough and when I do, it will be a joyous day here at casa de McBride.

               That's all I have for you this month, take care and remember to "ALWAYS wear a rain jacket if you think it's gonna rain........"1

              1. I use to do the announcements at my high school back in 1992 and I said this one day at the end. One of the nuns was told what it meant and she was none too pleased! She REALLY let me have it and if I recall, I was given detention for it.  

              THE GUIDE TO BEING.....

              A MAN!  Some, well most, think I am a SIMPLE MAN  and if I can still do it myself, DANG NABBIT, I will! This is a guide for my n...