Saturday, October 01, 2011


There are not too many things I am good at but RILING UP my father is something I EXCEL at! A great example of this is 'project front porch'. Let's set it up shall we: The front porch needed to be painted and a few other things so about 5 months ago I started 'prepping' it by taking a pressure washer to it and started stripping the old paint.

AGAIN! I am NEVER in a rush to do anything…… My thinking is, ‘It will it get done, It may not be today or tomorrow but, AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, it will get done…..’ OK back to the story, So one day when we were all at casa de PAPA/MAMA McBride, my brother, who’s never had an item that he hasn’t TRIED to give to someone, mentioned that the workers left a couple 5 gallon buckets of white paint from when he had a CHUCK E CHEESE put in his house and if I wanted them…..

I think my exact words were “H to the E to the double L YEAH!”. Ya gotta spell certain words out when there are ‘little ears’ around. I thought, I can use it to paint my front porch. At the same time I was feeling GIGGITY because of my SCORE, Pops pipes up and asks if it’s 'exterior' or ‘interior’. My brother says, “I think it is interior”

and Pops says “Then Andrew, you can’t use it on your porch.” And my reaction was, “KRIPES! If it’s free then I’ll MAKE it work on my porch!” This caused my father to look at me in disgust and say “ANDREW, NO YOU CAN’T USE IT!” and a few choice words were in that statement as well. My mother get’s in to it and says “Now Ron, It’s Andy’s house, he can do what he wants to it. Pop’s quit arguing and went back to eating some SWINE, Mom made YUMMY pork loin. I and the rest of the folks at the dinner table were witness to a ‘tactic’ that has been in force since Feb of 1969,

where pops will get riled up and mom will say something to relieve the stress of the situation and he will go back to what he was doing……. Ain’t gonna lie to ya, I have been well aware of this for the past 38 years and I have used it to my advantage a time or two.

Back to the porch, I went and picked up the paint at Casa de Mike and Liz McBride and ONE of the 5 gallon bucket was for INTERIOR and the other, well I'll let the picture do the talking.

I immediately email pops and told him that he can calm down now because it's for EXTERIOR use.... I think this lowered his blood pressure to 'normal' for a 60+ year old man.
So each evening I paint a section while listening to the 1600 songs I have on my iTouch and eat sunflower seeds..... They are YUMMY IN MY TUMMY!

Oh and FYI, in some of the pictures you may have noticed some paint on the brinks. Let it be known that it was not me! That is from when someone, who shall remain nameless, painted them when I first bought the house 6 years ago.

I'm sure you also noticed how bad the steps were. KRIPES! I couldn't walk barefoot on them because they were full of splinters and the nails were sticking up.The poor things were NEVER treated before I bought the house, there were NO gutters so water just poured off the roof on them and beat the poor little things to death..... I want to apologize to you because I got a DANG head cold the last week of Sept. and to be honest with ya, the LAST thing I was thinking about was working on the steps to my porch..... My days pretty much consisted of going to work and then coming home and taking a shot of NyQuil and passing out...... So the steps look like this....

HA!!!!!!!!!! You can soooooooooooooo see where the gutter is bent up pretty bad, that was a result from me falling off my roof! I will tell you that little story some other time! OH AND don't worry, I just suffered a few bruises and an equally bruised ego!!!
LET'S SEE, What else happened?!?!?! OH YEAH! My carpet had become 'loose', like that CERTAIN girl in high school that we ALL KNEW about, in some areas and the company that originally installed it came out and tightened it up for, WAIT FOR IT................... FREE!!!!! I like that PRICE!!!!!!

AND!!! If ya thought I was a FULL FLEDGED REDNECK from L-TOWN (Lancaster), I'm about to give you some more proof.... One of the tires on my car was always loosing air, YEAH! I check the air pressure weekly! Can you say 'ANAL'!?!?!?! Anyways, I have the tools to jack up the car and take off a tire find the leak and plug the hole...... SEE I told you I'm a redneck! I then threw in a DIP and drank a BUDWEISER in my driveway, Did I mention I had my shirt off too?

That's all I got for ya this month, Fly low and beat the radar......


A MAN!  Some, well most, think I am a SIMPLE MAN  and if I can still do it myself, DANG NABBIT, I will! This is a guide for my n...