****** I am sooooooooo sorry to the 4 people that read this but I have found out that installing back splash is NATAS (SATAN spelled backwards) plus getting stung by some yellow jackets didn't help either!! Those little bastards are no more thanks to a can of RAID!!!! ANYWAYS, this WAS supposed to be posted on 9-1-12, so without further ado here it is.....******

KITCHEN Version 2.0!!!

Being that I live alone and I'm NEVER in a RUSH, great band, to get stuff done and I have a committee that consists of three people: ME, MYSELF and I, The kitchen DEMO and remodel has been going on for the past two years as you can tell by some of the pictures that have dates. I have been sidetracked and had to pay for other stuff, like a new roof after a FORMER acquaintance screwed me over, and SERIOUSLY You would PUKE if you knew what a freakin' cat scan and some blood work was AFTER your insurance paid their part and acted like it was NOT in their freakin' NETWORK!!!! KRIPES!!! I'll tell ya later what that is all about, and having to deal with being hit didn't help either.

FINALLY we had a really bad hale storm that WREAKED havoc on my poor Civic, Yep! The one I just got. Where were we? OH YEAH! The kitchen had its 'ISSUES' to say the least: a crappy floor that the family that owned the house before used as their FREAKIN' canvas!

Plus it was just down right NASTY linoleum. And the GREEN counter tops UMMMMMMMM were well, even for a straight guy with NO design sense at all, were hard on the eyes.   

Also there were other things that needed to put out to pasture to freakin' DIE! So one day I just started taking stuff OUT with my TRUSTY OL' Sawz-all, a utility razor and a scraper.... 

I did that first, 9-10, and then I did one thing at a time. I left a little of the old counter top so I had a place to have my coffee maker and toaster.

Whenever I had the money to pay for it, I would do it. CRAZY CONCEPT HUH!?!?!? Pay cash as you go instead of being the bank's BEEEEEEOOOOOTCH and take out a loan. Proverbs- 22:7 "a borrower is a slave to a lender". As you are well aware, I, Andy McBride, have NO 'design' skills so I asked the fine ladies at work, and Mese who I DON'T work with but I VALUE her thoughts on design, their advice each part I started. Up first was Amanda, Ms. BUFORD 1990, and she instructed me on the right blinds to get for the window at the kitchen sink.

They will ALWAYS be affectionately referred to as the 'Amanda Blinds'. ALSO If you noticed, there was TOO much excess 'shade' so I just Googled: 'getting blinds to length' AND wouldn't you know it, there's a video showing you what to do!! GOD BLESS THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!!!

Up next, I took all the trim out because I'll install new stuff when I tile the floor.

I emailed Mese a photo I took of some tile I saw at Home Depot and asked if they would be 'right'? She gave me the GREEN LIGHT so I went back and bought a few boxes of them.

My old friend Aaron from West Valley, NY gave me some tile mortar that he had left over from his tile project. SCORE!!! ALSO!!! The screws I used for the subfloor were ones from the old shed out at the LakeLand!! Talk about OLD! Now I have NEVER laid tile so I asked and received help from, well, to protect his I.D., let's call him 'Ed' who's a contractor and has all the knowledge and tools needed to get the job done. AGAIN, to PROTECT his identity I blocked out his face in all the pictures. One day I'll tell ya why.....

Basically it's just centering the first tile and going from there! I spent the next 2 weeks doing a little at a time. GOOD GOD! How do truck stop HOs do it? Being on your knees for hours freakin' BITES!!!

Did ya notice the TILE JOB I did where the refrigerator will go??? HA!!! I used ALL the spare pieces from the tile you will ACTUALLY see!!!!  YOU, my friends, are the ONLY ones that will see this because it will be covered up by a HEAVY AS H@!! appliance! ANDY 'USE EVERYTHING YA GOT' McBRIDE!!!

And the whole 'grouting' thing is as easy as a prom date! Spread it and then sponge it off!!! EASY!!!!!!!!

I was 'thinking' and I remembered that there is a bunch of unused crown molding in my garage that was left there by the previous owner.

So I measured out the kitchen and then the molding and WOO HOO!! I had enough for the whole thing!!!
 

SCREW having the Mustang on the road when it's a GREAT place to put my crown molding to dry...

I asked a guy at work if he had an air hammer and he said that not only does he have one but it's still in the FREAKIN' plastic and never used!!! WOO HOO!!! Manually hammering stuff is soooooooooooooooooo 20th century!!

As you can see, I painted them the same color as the walls but after putting them up I wanted some home decor advise from my sister in law on if they should stay peach or should I paint them white..... AND THE WINNER IS:

While having a few heated 'discussions' with POPS about cutting the angles (They make it look so easy on those videos) and stuff, I decided to go and get some corner pieces....... It makes it A LOT easier TRUST ME!!!!

Paint!?!?!?! Well I had Khrystal tell me what color to get.

So I 'PREPPED' the walls with this! 

AND FYI, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got this 'spackling' at Big Lots!!!! Saving $ and looking good! I like that combo! WIN/WIN BABY!

Check it out!

This is another example of ME, Robert Andrew McBride, thinking I grew up during the GREAT DEPRESSION. See the can of white paint on the right? Well, It's like 5+ years old and smells kinda nasty and was totally separated when I opened the can BUT I mixed it for like an hour and WOO HOO, It was like new!?!?!?! I sooooooooooooo used it to touch up the trim! It dries NORMAL but the hint of STALE paint still kinda lingers....

I knew I had one BUT I never really thought much of it BUT I utilized the telephone jack with a SWEET @$$ 'OLD SCHOOL' rotary phone that you would have found in your grandma's house....

I got it for Christmas in 2010. Mom 'hooked me up' by going on eBay. She said that it cost more to ship then it was to actually win the item. As you know, I'm ALL ABOUT 'hand-me-downs' and so when my sister in law asked if I wanted her stainless steel microwave and oven I asked "Does a bear POOPY in the woods?" SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Big Ron and I installed them and LOOKY!!!! THEY EFFing ROCK like Van Halen at Rich stadium in 88! I KNOW because I was there!!!!!

HA!!!!! I posted this picture on 'DA BOOK' (Facebook) when I first installed it and my friend Felicia asked if I was redoing the kitchen and I said "maybe I am and maybe I ain't!!! Keep them in suspense! I sooooooooo learned that when I was working in radio!

I also got their old kitchen light!!! Who the hell needs Goodwill when ya got ANDY McBRIDE that will be more than happy to take your stuff?

Oh yeah, do you want to see what my brother and his wife replaced all the stuff they gave me with?

All I am sayin' is that Thanksgiving dinner better be the BEST EVER with that 'FOOD NETWORK SET UP'! OH and this is ONE of their kitchens!!! They have TWO FREAKIN' KITCHENS!!!! Let me repeat that in case you didn't hear me the first time, THEY HAVE TWO KITCHENS!!!!! I assume one is to store all their Grey Poupon.

This was my thinking on the counter tops; I knew I wanted granite but I had NO idea about what color BUT I did know I didn't want ORANGE! YUCK! I've been told that granite is 'timeless' and I say to that. "RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!" $10 bucks says that someone probably told that to Mary Cawley back in 1968 when she had ORANGE, or whatever color they were, counter tops installed when they remodeled her kitchen.

So I'm cool with a dark color and as long as I am happy with them then I don't give a FLIP if they are NOT 'Timeless'. This is where Amber and Suzanne come in. The granite guy came over and took measurements and told me that this

would be a good choice plus he was running a special on it!!!!! That SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got me drooling but I STILL needed approval from a female. I emailed Amber and Suzanne and they both gave it the 'green light'!!!! SO! These are my new counter tops!!!!

I tell ya, it sure is weird to have actually have a place to set stuff instead of the little space I had for the last year.....

Back splash!?!?!?! It consists of some tile a guy down the street was selling. Need any axe handles or stairway railing or maybe some tile mortar? He's got that stuff for sale too...

Get this! I called the guy up and this was the conversation:
ME- "Hi there sir, I am here in your front yard checking out your tile and I would like to know how much they are..."
GUY- "The little tile is $.50 and the big ones are a dollar. I'm not there right now so pick out what you want and leave the $ in the lock box I have on my front porch."
ME- "REALLY!?!?!"
GUY- "Yep". 

GOTTA LOVE the 'Honor System'!!!!

So with the smell of a rotting animal in the air (seriously! Something died around there, AHHHHHHH the price I pay to save some $) I took a few sheets of tile that I think will be nice.

AND!!!!! I went to Lowes and found some tile that matches it!!! WOO HOO!!!!

I also got some tile from a house that makes me appreciate having a CLEAN place to live!!! This tile cost me $7.47( antibiotic) + $55.00( DR. visit) = $62.47  GOOD GOD (Here's the story) and made a different pattern around the window and the oven. To make EVERYONE happy, I made some of the tile horizontal and others vertical...

Working on a back splash SUCKS!!!! You have to lean over your counter top to do it which almost guarantees a pulled muscle in your back EVERY TIME!!!! So I learned to do a little at a time….. BUT I SMELL like a 75 year old with Ben-Gay smeared all over the affected area. Basically I am saying that it's been the DEATH of me!!!!!  I started grouting a section and even I KNEW it was too dark.....

So I conversed with my interior designer, MESE and she agreed to go with a lighter shade. So I spent a few days painstakingly taking out the old grout!!! GOOD GOD It's MESSY!!!!!! Oh and!!!! The section you see was done one EFFing tile at a time!!!! I didn't like the spacing so I cut the backing.... GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!! OH AND I was also advised by a female and a gay man to make sure that the grout lines match and who am I to disagree with that??? So I tore some up and re DID it!!!

And so I put on my SWEEEEEEEET headband and work on it EVERYDAY after work....

and lay freakin' one tile at a time! No it's not that I want to punish myself BUT the two types of tile I got are NOT the same size and I want them all to match! DON'T HATE BECAUSE I AM ANAL!!!

It's ANOTHER great time to ponder life and other important issues that make the world turn like:

• When I am finished with this row of tiles, I think I will mow the lawn. It's kinda high...
• I wonder what will be the last song I hear before I die? I sure hope it's not some CRAPPY Musak version of some Air Supply song I hear over the hospital PA.
• My CCHS (Charlotte Catholic High School) 20th reunion is in a few weeks and I sure hope someone doesn't cuss me out for something I did or said on DA BOOK (F/B).
• Speaking of that, I wonder how Kirsten (DeLuca) Hungate is? She was such a sweetheart
• Should I even go? Hell! Some people don't EVEN respond to stuff I write them on thier EFFing wall....... I'm sure most people think I am a FREAK.
• I really need to back up my iTouch so I'm 'not up a creek' if it dies and I have to get another one.
• This row isn't straight! SON OF A!!! I need to redo it!!! This doing one tile at a time SUCKS!!!! I soooooooooooooooo should have just sucked it up and done it SHEET by SHEET!!!!!
• HA!!!! You have to be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY 'sure' of yourself to write a song asking "If ya want my body and ya think I am sexy come on sugar let me know."
• I think that it's best if I deactivate my account on 'DA BOOK' and only activate it the first day of the month to announce that I updated my blog....
• I want some Carhartt overalls for Christmas! I need to email mom and tell her....
• This isn't perfect but OH WELL!!!! I guess I will have to find something to put in front of it like my coffee maker or something...
• Do I need 6 months or a year of $ for my emergency fund? I need to check the internet for an answer.
• KRIPES! 'White Christmas' is on now thanks to my iTouch being on 'shuffle all' and I am covered with tile mortar and I am sitting down, I REALLY DON'T want to go a change it. 
• Should or shouldn't I get the new Sade DVD? I have ALL of her stuff already, AWWWWW HELL, what's it going to hurt if I get it...
• I shouldn't have left that comment on (insert name here)'s page on DA BOOK......
• GOOD LORD! This is a TERRIBLE SONG! Why is this on my iTouch??? There’s a name for someone who says “So we found this hotel, It was a place I knew well.” IT’S CALLED A SLUT!!!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• I really need to pee but I will I put up one more tile.
• HA!! I REALLY riled up Lori (LUTE) Funden with the 'Cutco knife issue' I wonder how long before she will talk to me again 3 or 6 months or even a YEAR???
• Other stuff but I cannot repeat it because, well.... MY MOTHER READS THIS!

Even Bailey is helping me out!!!!! OH WAIT A MINUTE!

I HAVE to get this done by 9-3-12 (CHECK THAT ) because I SET that deadline to have the kitchen done!!! More like 10-1-12............

What have I learned though all of this?

1. It's all pretty easy stuff to do and to ALWAYS remember K.I.S.S ( KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID).
2. Take your time! Do one thing and save up $ to do the next thing you have on your 'wish list' and do somethings in your spare time, EX. I 'prepped' the walls one Sunday morning while enjoying a nice cup of JAVA....
3. If you got something laying around, like the crown molding, USE IT!!! KRIPES! It ain't doing any good for ya just sittin' in the garage.
4. Wear shoes because you have a pretty good chance of getting a splinter when you walk on a floor that's just good ol' plain plywood. 
5. Learning how to do stuff like laying down tile is pretty cool.
6. To piggy back on #4, It's REALLY nice to have friends (some FORMER) that know how to do this stuff and are more than happy to help ya out.
7. EACH item that received the 'GREEN LIGHT' from a lady will all be called by their name, EXAMPLE 'the Amanda blinds', 'the MESE tile' 
8. YOU NEED TO REINFORCE YOUR KITCHEN when ya add tile and granite!! Here's the deal... One night I’m chillin’ on the couch playing on the internet when I hear some SNAP, CRACKLE, POP going on in my wall by the kitchen. It kind of freaked me out… I don’t want my roof to fall on me, THAT WOULD SO LEAVE A MARK!!! So I call a contractor to come out and look at things, I’m thinking that I will need a new wall or something. So he comes out and I explained what I heard and the situation. He asks when I had the tile and granite counter tops installed. I said in the last 6 months. He looks at me and says “DANG! That’s a lot of weight.” The support beams under the house need to be reinforced. HA!!!!!! I had a DOH! moment because I SHOULD have thought about that!!!! So he and his crew came over and installed some supports. I know it’s something I could easily do BUT my back is hurtin’ like a MOFO from working on the backsplash so I can’t do it!!!! 

I would also like to thank the committee for selecting me for this prestigious honor! HA!!!! Isn't that what EVERY ACTOR says when they win an OSCAR or something? But seriously, I want to give SHOUT OUTS to:

• Amanda for telling me what blinds to get.
• POPS for showing me when I was younger how to do this stuff and also giving me tools (like EVERY trowel known to man) that he had including Renee's freaking SWEET @$$ tile cutter!!!!
• 'Peachy' for explaining to me to 'focus' on stuff that people WILL see and not to worry about stuff that they won't.......
• Aaron for giving me a 5 gallon container of tile mortar that he had left over from when he 'tiled' his bathroom floor. FREE IS GOOD I TELL YA! 
• Mese for giving me the 'green light' on the tile to get.
• Steph for picking the outlet covers. 
• Valerie and Melissa for telling me what color GROUT to get for the tiles.
• Khystal for 'recommending' what paint I should get.  
• Gary S. for showing me when I was younger the proper way to prime before you paint! Cars/ walls they are the same thing in a way.  
• Mike and Liz (Brother and sister in law) for the ROCKIN' stainless steel stuff!!!!
• My old neighbor Greg for helping me unload the SWEET oven and microwave.
• Steve and Lynda for the fake plant idea for the top of the cabinets. 
• Grandpa Cawley AND my great grandpa DA EDWARD PAGNARD for the SWEET level and ruler that I used to make sure stuff was straight.
• Theresa C. and Stephanie for 'advising' me on what the back splash SHOULD look like. 
• 'Ed' for coming down to casa de McBride and helping me lay down tile.
• Tracy (IT'S A GUY) for letting me use his air hammer! OH AND BY THE WAY, There is a call in the queue for over a MINUTE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

AGAIN!!! EVERYTHING you see was first approved by a woman before I installed it!!! Now it may not all be ‘PERFECT’ looking BUT I’m cool with it and the last time I checked, THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS! Now after two years of doing stuff here and there I GIVE YOU THE FINAL RESULTS.......

 

NOW It's 'BLOGGING 202' and today's subject is about SLIDE SHOWS that I painstakingly put on here..... If you are older than 50, LISTEN UP! When you see this:

It is NOT just a picture. Hit the play button in the bottom left hand corner and it will show you that there are more then just one picture..

FINALLY I want you to welcome my NEW proofreader, the one and only KATE KOCKLER!!! Her and I have been 'ROLLIN' since 1973!!!

A brief background on her: SHE IS AWESOME! End of story!!! Let's hope she does a better job then my previous two who 'DROPPED THE BALL' on their duties to help me to grammatically entertain you!!!!

 

That's all I got for ya this month and remember, it's ALWAYS easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission......

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry that I don't have a blog post for ya this month BUT come 10-1-12. IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!!! Hopefully this will tide you over until then!!

GOING GREEN

 and it is NOT because Al Gore told me to!

I'm NOT a full blown HIPPY that's ALL about being green but I did have a friend that lived in a freakin' TEE PEE!!!! HA!!!!!

Oh and FYI, It was nice inside.... Anyways, I'm 'somewhat' green. I do my research on something (EXAMPLE Hot water on demand system) and 'crunch the #'s to see if I can save money and most of the time, I DO!!! Sorry all you 'tree huggers' out there, some ideas like solar panels are JUST NOT FEASIBLE! No matter how you 'spin it' you'll NEVER recoup the $ you spent to have them installed..... Where was I? Sure you will pay more for an 'environmentally friendly' product BUT 9 out of 10 times you make the $ back by the saving of not using so much water and or fuel....... REMEMBER!!!! Look at being a turtle not a rabbit.....

• Let's go back to 2006 and my uncle Bill had a 'hot water on demand' system installed and this sooooooooooo sparked my curiosity. I started doing the research to have one at casa de McBride. I found one that suited my needs and had it installed! PLUS getting a $500 tax credit, NOT a tax deduction helped too!!!

I have enjoyed hot showers to pee in EVER SINCE AND saving $ while doing it!!!!!! That right there is a WIN/WIN situation!

• I also have ALL lights bulbs at casa de McBride replaced with either an L.E.D or a C.F.L one. They save so much $ compared to regular incandescent ones. MARK MY WORDS! 'Andy McBride stated on 8/1/12 that' "L.E.D lighting WILL be our primary light source in the next 10 years."  For now check with your local power company to see if they will give you some FREE CFL bulbs. I know mine did!!!! WOO HOO!!!! OH AND yes there is a risk if you BREAK a CFL bulb but let me ask you, isn't there a GREATER risk of you being in an auto accident? Just some food for thought.
• I'm also the proud owner of a SWEET can crusher (99% beer cans) that the lovely Kim, I went to school with her in A-TOWN (Allegany) gave me..... Now I can save space in my recycling bin for ALL the FREAKIN' paper crap I get in the mail and killing my liver while helping out mother Earth!! That right there is a SWEEEEEET combo!!!
  
  

  
• Finally we have come to my SWEET rain barrelS. That's right, I said barrel PLURAL! Thanks to the wisdom from an old friend Dan 'OBI WON' Brill, I have two in the back of the house. They are easy as a prom date to install to your gutters and you will be the ENVY of your neighbors when your plants are THRIVING and theirs are not due to them not getting any water....
  
  

  

OH and I have started a countdown to when I CUT my hair to donate it.... FYI, My hair isn't long yet BUT it's sooooooooooooo driving me crazy!!!!! At this rate, I will soooooooooooooooo look like an 'occupy wall street' guy..... Minus the smell of patchouli and the urge to form a 'drum circle' jamming to Rusted Root...

Now it's time for 'BLOGGING 101' Lesson 1: so pay attention because there might be a pop quiz!!! If you are like my parents and tell me that "I didn't see that when I read your blog" more than likely it's because you didn't click on the link/hyper link I gave ya....... When you see this: LINK (notice how it's a different color than the rest of the words in the sentence)? Click on it and it will send you to a page explaining 'in depth' the topic I am referring to. It's just an added feature I spend my extra time doing to help EDUCATE YOU!!! Now for the pop quiz, "A ???????, or simply a ????, is a reference in a hypertext document to another document or other resource."

That's all I got for ya this month and as always be like 'some people I know' and make sure to say to me "I LOVE YOUR BLOG" when you have never actually read it....... 

Oh and one more thing, I MIGHT being looking for, yet another, proofreader because the one I have now has been M.I.A the last couple months and I live by the '3 strikes and you are out' mentality.. She has two strikes and she has 'fouled off' the third pitch to stay alive...... I will let you know after this month. My assistant will be accepting applications starting August 1st.....

I am truly sorry to the handful of people that read this for NOT posting this bright and early on the first
BUT I was still conducting the 'McBride World Tour 2012', I was in Johnstown, PA enjoying a cup of coffee when I typed this. Here are mostly the highlights and a (VERY FEW) low lights of the WORLD TOUR!!! Remember kids, you'll pay for the whole seat BUT only need the edge!

First stop: Mansfield, OH to see my 93 year old Grandma McBride, my Nana, and cousins.... Grandma is STILL very spunky, she lives in an assisted living complex but STILL is very independent although she is limited by her macular degeneration. Then I saw my Nana in a nursing home. All I can say is that the cycle of life SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! I think it was hard for her to even know who I was. Did this upset me? I ask you, does a bear poop in the woods!?!?!?!?!!

After that emotional roller coaster, I spent that night at my cousin Chris's house.  I found some beer that I and everyone I asked, never heard of.. You kinda know it's bad when it's in between the Stroh's and Natural ICE!!

So you know, my father's family is VERY 'different' and I have ALWAYS had questions....... Some were answered. PLUS!!!! It may mean nothing to y'all BUT he gave me my Grandpa McBride's old license plate! I LOOOOOOOOOVE getting sentimental stuff!

The next day I drove up to Cleveland to Scott and Dustin's CASA!!! Scotty took me to the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame!

It was cool EVEN if it was $22 bucks to EFFing get in there!!!! TALK ABOUT BREAKING THE BANK!!!! Anyways, We were in the gift shop checking out the OVERPRICED shirts when I heard that Kim Monroe was broadcasting from there. I soooooooo worked with her during my 106.5 days. Needless to say, I was scared of her then and after 15 years, I am STILL scared of her so I didn't say anything to her....Scotty then took my all around Cleveland and I must say, I have NEVER seen more draw bridges in my life. Sorry, I had to let that out..... That evening consisted of us hanging out with some beer and wine. HA!! I even got my car washed! Scotty just stood up from the table and proceeded to wash it while Dustin and I just watched and drank more. Being 39, I SHOULD KNOW, to never mix beer and wine because the next day is NOT 'pleasant'.... I was NOT feeling too well the next day when I was going to BEER-PA-LOOZA 'version 3.0'. I stopped at my friend Scott's house in Erie, Pa..... He makes homemade beer and the plan was for me to have some BUT being I felt like 'walking death', I drank a cup of coffee and he gave me a bottle of his well crafted beer for a future time. UP NEXT was A-TOWN (Allegany, NY) for BEER-PA-LOOZA 'version 3.0'...... There were shirts made this year!

First off I want to apologize to everyone I saw because I was so sick and very mellow..... I was 'over served' the night before and I would have drank some more beer with ya if you didn't mind me puking on ya...... AS ALWAYS, it was great seeing everyone and THANKS for coming even though I felt like this guy.

The next week I stayed up in western N.Y just going down memory lane. One day I walked by our old house (I SWEAR IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE SANFORD AND SON LIVED IN IT BACK THEN)

Almost everyday started with James and Connor, my cousin Jeff's sons,

and I chilling out watching Wild Kratts. Then I would lay around and drink some beers for the rest of the day. One day I went up to Buffalo for some Bills and Sabres gear AND have lunch with an old friend that I haven't seen in 24 years at the Anchor Bar.....  As always, I cleaned up some friend's and family's graves, went and picked out some paintings for something I can't talk about as of yet, by the young lady Anne Conroy-Baiter. HA!!! Her little girls are pretty funny too! They got their own blog!!!! Another day I went over to see my parent's old friends the Kocklers. Mrs. (Lynda) proceeded to tell me about being a virgin before she met Mr. (Steve), I then threw up a little in my mouth!!!! MY GOD!!! It's like when a 'BONER' commercial comes on when pops and I are watching football. EM-BARR-ASS-ING!!! I of course hit up Renna's pizza almost everyday for, DARE I SAY, the BEST pizza EVER!!!! MMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM GOOD!!!!!! KRIPES!!! It's so good, I even bought a shirt to proudly wear down here so I can hear true southerners TRY to pronounce it in their southern accent....

Next stop was the HUGE metropolis of Emporium, PA (PENNSATUKEY)

to hang out with my cousin Joe and his breast feeding NAZI wife! OH and the kids too! Michael, the youngest, won't even talk to me... Lia, the oldest, was too busy staying at her nana's talking about Twighlight with her AMAZONIAN cousin to hang out with me but my pal Ian was ALL about hanging out. How old is he? No idea but all I know is that the kid is old enough to drink with me!!!! MAN!!!! He can 'shotgun' a beer I tell ya!

The next stop took me to my friend Mike Carbonara's house in Johnstown.

As this ad will tell you, he can soooooooooo help you get the 5 years of unpaid child support that your lazy, no good, two timing, good for nothing, dead beat EX owes ya! HA!!!!  On my way down to the Boike/Mese farm, I stopped and took this picture. Two things came to mind: 1. Why are we NOT using more of this things? 2. There is diffidently a 'buzz' when they are going, so I can see people that live near one don't like them. 

After my little pit stop, I was off to the Boike/Mese farm in Marsall, VA. I planned to stay more than one day there but they had a bad storm that knocked out their power for almost 3 days but in that one day, He and I worked up quite a sweat. I drove his new John Deere

 and we collected bails of hay (BARLEY)... 

After being outside in 90+ degree heats, I went 'CAMPING' and took a shower on the front porch using one of these.

Don't laugh, They work quite well....... ANYWAYS, we then went to Fosters where Mo and Travis gave me a SWEET @SS hat!!!!

The final stop was the GAS HOUSE (Gastonia, NC) for a party at casa de papa Deibler for July 4th. Joelle and her EQUALLY hot sister ROCK CANDY (Amy), I call her that because she's HOT, STICKY and SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET,  hung out pool side and we talked about how rough a life is having to travel to Paris and Milan for photo shoots......



I say this EVERY YEAR BUT being this is my blog, YOU will have to read it AGAIN! I, Andy McBride, LOVE doing this!!!! Going to see family and old friends will ALWAYS trump going to some exotic place. That's all I got for you this month and AGAIN I am TRULY sorry to the very FEW people that read this for the 7 day delay!!! Oh and FYI, I’ll pee in a cup ANYTIME, ANYWHERE or ANY PLACE! I’ll pass with flying colors, you will too RIGHT!?!?!?

NEMISIS

Batman has the Joker, G.I Joe has COBRA, Sheriff Roscue P. Coltran has the Duke boys and I have a guy that is the spitting image of Wilford Brimley at the county dump..... Our back and forth feud began last summer when I was dumping some old shingles from my roof. Trust me, I have seen plenty of people dump them before!!!! I have figured that it ALL depends on who is the attendant that day because ‘Smoke Stack’, he is a chain smoker, is a cool guy. Through the years he has seen me come in and I ALWAYS talk to him. He’s laid back and if he sees me dumping something that’s ‘questionable’ he simple comes up to me and says that “You can’t dump that anymore. Please don’t get mad and never come back, It’s just that the company that recycles this stuff does not accept it.” He is very nice about it and I ‘RESPECT HIM’ and everything is copacetic. NOW with Wilford Brimley it’s a DIFFERENT story! He makes it a point to yell across the way at me saying, “WE DON’T ACCEPT THAT!” and does his best to embarrass me in front of the other people there. Since our first ‘encounter’ He questions EVERYTHING I bring. From batteries that I try to recycle, landscaping timbers and the old wood from my steps. He ‘inspects’ my car trunk when he sees me there. Depending on my mood, I just ignore him but sometimes my 'Uncle Dick' will come out and I will look for a confrontation with him and ask “CAN I HELP YOU!?” He’ll question something I have and I’ll say “LOOK JACK@$$, we go through this every EFFING time I come in here and YOU are doing a GREAT job at riling me up.” I get so fired up that I leave there without dumping anything! So most of the time, I load up my car with my recyclables and garbage and just stop at the other dump on the way home from work. The attendants are nice and it’s less stress to deal with.

In other news, I’m pretty sure I did more than pull a muscle in my arm because it hurts like a MOTHER when I try to do simple stuff like grab something out of the refrigerator. I’m not at liberty to tell you how it might have happened at this time. Just know that I was NOT doing anything out of the ordinary. I will tell you in due time Jedis. Patience…. 

AND LOOK!!!! I finally completed the steps!!!! Even with my arm all jacked up!

My friend Adam AKA ‘BoxcarWilly’ came over and helped me install them,

He couldn’t stay long because he had to catch a freight train going up to Beckley, WV. WHY there? I have no idea but being the HOBO he is, I don’t ask where and why he hops on freight trains. WHO AM I TO JUDGE!?!?!?

As you know, I LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV the times I can just eat sunflower seeds and ponder life... Here is one of those times,

The porch is pressure washed and SEALED and might I say DANG GOOD LOOKIN' TOO!!!! YEAP! You 'saw right' I'm looking a little like Shaggy, ZOINKS!!!! I have chosen to grow my hair for a year and have it cut and donate it to Locks Of Love for kids with cancer..... It's the least I can do for poor kids that have to go through chemotherapy. CHEMO=DRAINO!!!!

I also decided to wear a bow tie to my nephew’s ‘FIRST STEP TOWARD GOING TO HEAVEN’ ceremony, AKA First Communion.

Now it was a struggle to learn how to tie one BUT with the help of this video and spending the majority of my lunch practicing, I showed that bow tie who was boss! ME DANG NABBIT!!!!

That's all I got for ya this month have a good one and BY THE WAY, if it’s on the internet then it’s GOT to be true, right!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

***** I want to apologize if you saw some GLARING misspellings or grammatical errors but my USUALLY RELIABLE, proofreader

was apparently too busy teaching new mothers how to breast feed their child until he/she is 6 years old to proofread my blog. So I am sorry!!!!!! 

SPRING!!!

   Can you smell it???? NO, not the chicken manure I just spread on my lawn, SPRING is in the air!! I don’t know about you but it’s pretty much been spring since January. To all my ‘Glenn Beck/ Rush Limbaugh apostles’: WE AS HUMANS HAVE/ARE MESSING WITH THE ENVIRONMENT!!! Sad but true, you don’t have to be a granola eatin’ hippy or an average over-weight guy in a bowling league to notice that… ANYWAYS!!!!! SPRING TIME= LAWN TIME and my constant pursuit to receive the coveted ‘LANCASTER YARD OF THE MONTH’ award! They put a sign in your yard and everything…… BIG DEAL I TELL YA!!! First up are the cedar borders around the trees in the front. I got these from my parent’s wild ‘n’ whacky ex neighbor! As you can see, after 6 years they have run their course….

 I removed and contributed them to the BONFIRE GOD who was very happy to take them and use them as fuel to make it’s flames HIGHER! KIDS love big fires, HECK as long as it’s not my house, I am 39 and I love them too!! My brother and his family along with my cousin FARTIN’ MARTIN AKA Marty came over and we had a huge fire while chit chatting about some of our FUNNY family!

 OH AND! See that Miller Lite cooler that Jack is sitting on? It talks!!!! It was talking to Marty and me all night… It would say, “GUYS, looks like your beer is empty, I think you should open me up and get another one.” Who are WE to disagree with a freakin’ talking cooler?!?!?!?! Getting back to the cedar borders,  when it’s all said and done, I will replace them with some stone ones. Preferably ones that Home Depot or Walmart slash the price by 75% on in the fall when they want to get rid of the crap…. Towards the end of the night it needed some more wood and being I was in NO shape to get up and get some, My brother did and (NOT SAYING ANYONE‘S NAME) a piece of old rail road tie found its way on the fire…. FYI. R.R ties= asbestos….  NEVER burn wood ‘treated’ to lengthen its life… You are inhaling some nasty chemicals. So listen to these guys and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T BURN IT!!!

 In other news in the Lancaster metro area, I have a WIN/WIN/WIN situation (AHH HELL) it’s a WINNING ‘infinity’ situation!!!!!!! One of my neighbors has a DEAD cedar tree. I asked him if I could cut it down. He said H to the E to the double L YEAH!!! No he didn’t really say that but he did say I could….. THIS was a great opportunity for me to use Bjorn/ Marvella AND the SWEET Carhartt work clothes that MESE gave me because she doesn’t fit in them anymore! SKINNY AND AN EVER BETTER GODDESS! I TELL YA!!!!! WORK IT MESE!!!!

  PLUS! I can use the wood to make another bonfire! Big fire+ huge yard+ a ton of Legos I had when I was a kid= my nephews thinking that their uncle Andy is REALLY COOL!!!! Go ahead and call me a redneck or whatever you want, I DON’T care but, I have almost everything needed to GET ‘ER DONE! I even have a wagon for Bjorn!!!! WOO HOO!!!!! 

Wanna see my 'SERENITY NOW' moment?  

I come home from my job (which I have had for 10+ years) and throw on some work clothes, knee pads, work gloves, my iTouch with 1700+ songs, a bag of sunflower seeds and pick rocks in my back yard. YES I said PICK ROCKS!!!! I then dump them where I keep Bjorn. I planted some grass around there so it looks PURTY!!!!

What else?? Oh I turned 39 a few days ago and to celebrate it I went to the local VFW hall and PARTIED with some guys who were in the 'invasion of Panama' and their wives. MAN!!! Those guys sure can PARTY!!! HA!!!!! But what I REALLY did to celebrate my 39th birthday was grease up all the joints on Bjorn (my lawn mower), got Marvella (my chain saw) ready to cut a tree down, started changing the oil in the truck, loaded up some old metal to take to the scrap yard to be unloaded by some guys I have NO IDEA what are saying (they speak Spanish) for some $ so I can spend it at one of the greatest stores in our 236 years of existence, BIG LOTS and drank some good beer, NEWCASTLE!!!!
 That's all I got for ya this month, keep it real and remember, if ya put it on DA BOOK (F/B) don’t be SHOCKED and whine if I or someone else replies to it with something smart @$$ed…… DA BOOK= FAIR GAME!

It's that time of the year again where YOU can ask me anything and I will answer it. Now it might be very honest but it ALSO might be answered like MITT ROMNEY, very vague and leaving you with a HUGE headache!!! I'll answer them as they come in. If it is like last year, I'll get a WHOOPIN' 3 questions to answer!!!! WOO HOO!!!!! I'll be one busy @$$ man!!!!!!!! OH before I go and let YOU type a question about my feeling on the premise of the cold fusion engine (Let me help you with saying that my reply will be WHAT?????) my best friends mom Mrs. Boike, yes that her real name, gave me a container of a little slice of Heaven! CHOCOLATE CHIPS!

 Oh and not just any container, but word on the street is that the same folks that designed this also made this container!!!! It has a button you press to SEAL the goodies so every time you have some it's like a party in your mouth!!! GOD BLESS TECHNOLOGY and the U.S.A

Anonymous said...
From your nephews:

1. Is his favorite color green? I'm more of a blue guy BUT I'm cool with any color you throw at me.
2. How OLD is he? Physically I'll be 38 on 4/27 but mentally (most people will agree) I'm 12....
3. What does he do for a job? I work for a bank in the loss mitigation dept, I TRY to help people keep their home from being foreclosed.
4. Is he getting married YET? Your uncle Andy has YET to find a woman that will put up with me..... I've learned to never say never (HEY! Wasn't that a James Bond movie?)

Anonymous asks...

When did you first start referring to your mother as Catholic Kate? And was this due to one certain event or just the fact that she is intact Catholic and her name is Kate?
First off, THANKS for submitting a question because the only one before yours was submitted by my sister in law who I’m thinking felt bad for me and didn’t want to be associated with a LOSER!!!! OKIE DOKIE, now to answer your question, It wasn’t just one event that caused me to call her that. I just remember my brother’s friends calling her that because she was kinda ‘hardcore’ when it came to the Catholic faith. My brother will attest to this as well, when we were younger, it wasn’t uncommon for us to have to go to mass for holy days. Since, she has become more ‘liberal’ in her beliefs but once in a while she will say something that will make ya say “WOW MOM! That’s HARDCORE Catholicism right there!” HA!!!!! I just like saying it because it gets a laugh out of people that know her and my sense of humor…

Anonymous asks... (WOW!!! This 'annonymous' person sure does ask a lot of question.)

You frequently point out how "rad" you are due to all of the cool music you listened to as a kid. What is your take on the Beastie Boys? How do you feel now about ratting out a younger cousin for listening to the Boys? The Beastie boys RUUUUUUULE!!!! Those three Jewish white kids ROCK!! Looking at my iTouch, I have songs from the majority of albums they have made….. I’m pretty sure that I wore out my cassette tape of License to Ill….. As for ‘ratting’ out a younger cousin, I would NEVER ‘judge’ you on your musical tastes, KRIPES! I know for a fact that one of my cousin’s who I stay with when I am up in B-TOWN(Bolivar, NY) listens and LOVES anything that Milli Vanilli made! BLAME IT ON THE RAIN BEEEEEEEEEOTCHES!!!!!

Kelly asks...

1. What would you rather pretend had never happened, Garth Brook's "Chris Gaines" thing, or Van Halen's Gary Cherrone experiment? I was more affected by the Van Halen/ Gary Cherrone experiment. After reading Sammy Hagar’s book, which I highly recommend, Eddie Van Halen is a douche! The whole ‘experiment’ is the back bone of my Ed Van Halen/ Dukes of Hazard theory. Eddie, like the producers of the DofH, thought that people would accept anything they did because, in Ed’s case, it was all about the guitar. Much like the producers of the DofH thought that they could put anybody in the General Lee because it was all about the car. They learned the hard way that is not always the case. The downward spiral of Van Halen began when the press release came out stating that Gary was the new singer and the downward spiral for the DofH show was when Coy and Vance replaced Bo and Luke….. NOW PLEASE don’t get me wrong, I think Gary is a very cool guy and Extreme was a great band BUT he wasn’t right for Van Halen. With Garth, I can see where he was coming from “I have done EVERYTHING there is to do in country music and I think it’s time for a change.” PLUS he had all the money to fund his ‘Chris Gaines experiment’. Sure it failed miserably BUT I don’t think it left Garth scarred for life. He just said to himself “That went over like a fart in church so I will suck in my pride and go back to being good ol’ Garth.”

2. You want to do some drinking, but the nearest beer is 800 miles away and there's a liquor store (no beer) next door. What are you drinking? Beer is GREAT but sometimes a change is good. I would not think twice of getting some rum or wine from the liquor store…. Sometimes you have to be like the Marines and ADAPT, IMPROVISE and OVERCOME situations……

3. Aren't overalls the most comfortable pants EVER?! You are correct Obi-Won, OVERALLS are VERY comfortable and I love getting the 2nd glances from people. They will look at me and say hi and do a double look and say to themselves “HOLY COW! That guy is wearing overalls!” GREAT STUFF!!!!

Boike asks...

1. We all know you have a problem with cheep wine from the mad dog chugging post, but refuse any type of intervention due to how funny that hooch makes you. We are however concerned with your overuse of Ivy in your land space. Do you think you may have an ivy addiction? If we provide a gallon of round up(generic of course) for FREE(yes, how can you, Andy McBride turn down free) would you kill all the IVY on your property?' That would be a flat out NO! Ivy is great on 3 levels.... It's EASY to plant, KRIPES!!!! Just put it in a place that gets sun and PRESTO! It grows!!! It's CHEAP!!! Gotta save $ so I don't have to eat dog food when I get older because I can't afford 'people food'. It covers up places where it's hard to make grass grow and/or erodes every time it rains. That right there is a WIN/WIN SITUATION BUDDY!!!!!!  As for addictions, we ALL have one(cedar trees) BUT it's NOT another person's responsibility to 'JUDGE' others...

2. Who is your favorite Sci-fi character of all time? If it is not Buck Rogers please let me know why. First off, HOW DARE YOU!!!! That was a RIP OFF of the Star Wars movies... The ONLY quality of that show was WILMA and her silk jump suits!!! OW LA LA SASSON!!! UMMMM, where was I??? OH YEAH! My favorite sci-fi character is this guy because he had the 'testicle fortitude' to call out Darth!!!! Now sure, he almost died BUT STILL!?!?!?!? HA KIDDING!!! I really don't have one FAVORITE character.  

3. What major decision have you made in the past 10 years that altered the course of your life? Sorry! This happened 11+ years ago but, I would say it was the decision to move back from my little time in Wisconsin. I learned so much about myself.

• It taught me that being close to friends and family are important to me.   
• Not having $ BLOWS and having some 'security' with some in the bank is nice.
• Being 'content' in my life is good. All I need is the simple thing in life to have the 'life is good' mood. 
• Having someone in your life is good BUT it's not a necessity to me.... 

Blake asks:

1. You love your ivy. Personally, I HATE ground cover in all its forms except good ol' grass. Do you feel that people who use/overuse ground cover are simply too lazy to get out and do some real work in their yard? Again, I will say to you the same that I told Boike, HOW DARE YOU!!!!! I agree to a point that Ivy CAN BE considered LAZY BUT I am live by the motto “work smart, NOT hard” It helps out tremendously covering up parts of your lawn that NO MATTER what you do, won’t grow grass. It helps make people think when they see your yard, “That’s a ‘classy’ looking yard and the ivy, while isn’t my favorite plant, was utilized properly” No need to make people think that Sanford and Son worked on my yard.

2. I hear some kids argue that Stone Cold Steve Austin or Cena are the greatest-ever stars of the WWF/WWE. I maintain that Hulk Hogan, despite his cheeseball/douchebag personna of the mid-late 2000s, is the standard bearer for all that is great about pro wrestling. Where do you fall on the "greatest of our lifetimes" argument? DANG KIDS TODAY!!!!! Bunch of PUNKS!!!! HA!!!!! I personally think that we lived in the GREATEST era of wrestling, whether it is the WWF, AWA or NWA. Guys today can’t hold any of the wrestlers we grew up with JOCK!!!! SAD BUT TRUE!!!! The stuff those guys did all in the name of entertainment will NEVER be topped! COME ON!! Just look at the old interviews or matches on Youtube. (SIDE NOTE) I always wondered how many takes they had to shoot just for one interview. The stuff they would say would cause ANY person to bust out laughing.) I agree with your “cheeseball/douchebag persona” that Hogan has now BUT for nearly 25+ years he was the BADDEST MOFO!!!! GOOD GOD I didn’t even blink when it was Wrestle Mania time and we had to buy the pay-per-view. It was a MUST!

3. Can you think of any reasons why P!nk's "Raise Your Glass" is not the greatest pop/rock song by a female artist in the past 10 years? Not gonna lie to ya Mr. Tenore but I don’t think I have heard the song, I KNOW! No I am NOT ol’ fart but I prefer older stuff like!!!!! WITH THAT SAID, I’m sure I will like it and ‘download’ it for my iTouch tonight. Kripes! I did the same when a friend introduced me to Butch Walker, CHECK HIM OUT! He is now on the ‘Andy iTouch’. When this all happens, I will give you my review of Ms. Pink’s song…. OKIE DOKIE!?!?!?!?

So the journey begins in 1987... I was a MEASLY little 7th grader and Mike, my older brother was in 11th. Much to my mom's 'disappointment', he started hanging out with Dave. You see, Mom taught CCD (Religion) and Dave was, to put it lightly, 'disruptive'... I remember her coming home and talking about this kid named Dave who was a HELLION! Where was I?? OH YEAH!!! So my brother starting hanging out with Dave and other older kids like Todd Hopkins and they started to allow me to hang out with them. 

I think it was a ‘let’s try to corrupt Mike’s little brother to really RILE UP Mrs. McBride' who they affectionately called ‘Catholic Kate’!!! HA!!! I still use that name, just check out older posts in my blog and it’s plastered all over it when I talk about my mom. Hanging out with the OLDER KIDS was great!!! I was a COOL kid because I HUNG OUT WITH OLDER, COOL ONES!!!! He and the others taught me the finer things in life: like how to tap a keg, how to properly pour a beer without a ton of foam using the grease from your nose to reduce the foam if it had a lot of it. My musical horizons were broadened too!! I can’t tell you how much I listened to Van Halen’s 5150 and OU812 (I made sure to put those in his casket. While crying my eyes out and accidentally blowing snot on his mom, I asked and she said OF COURSE.) WHERE WAS I? They ALWAYS had new music and would let me listen to it so I could soak it in KRIPES! How many of you out there know that a band called Hurricane was the opening act for Stryper because they were on the same label???? I know that stuff because of DAVE!!!!! I was like a sponge and absorbed everything he said and did!!! They ALWAYS asked if I wanted to go see bands up in Buffalo on A BUS THEY RENTED!! Let me say that again, AN EFFing BUS they rented!!!!!!! They took me to an all day festival up at the University of Buffalo and I saw Living Colour before anyone ever heard of them and I got to see the Ramones!!!! How cool is that?! Again, I want to remind you that I was only in 7th-8th grade when all this was going on…. How great of a story it is that I, Andy McBride, can tell people that I was a passenger on a bus they rented to go see the MONSTERS OF ROCK (Van Halen, Scorpions, Dokken, Metallica and Kingdom Come) TOUR at Rich Stadium!?!?!?!?!?!? Oh and FYI, that would go over like a fart in church these days!!! IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! And let’s NOT FORGET about, dare I say, the BEST party EVER on 10-23-87! You remember stuff like births, weddings, touching a bare breast for the first time AND DAVE’S PARTY!!!! MY GOD! So many memories!!!! Dustin (RIP) taking my friend Mark Singer and Billy Miller around and looking for ‘skully’!!!!! Getting so drunk that Dustin and Dan Brill had to get us and sober us up so we could make it home…. When I moved to Charlotte in the summer of 88, I was scared out of my mind BUT I adjusted well thanks to the lessons that Dave taught me. KRIPES!!!! I was an EFFING GOD because I listened to cool music that Dave listened to and I knew what was needed to throw a sweet KEGGER!!!! ALL BECAUSE of what Dave and co. taught me!!!!! Not only do I have fond memories of him but of his family too. I remember his step dad NuNu (his nickname) watching the end of a Bills game in 1987 where they were losing a close game and saying “Boys, this team is going places! They are so good and when they learn how to win games it’s going to be great.”

4 straight Super Bowls later HE WAS RIGHT. Also he said something that has ALWAYS stuck with me. He said, ‘Guys, do you know when the honeymoon is over?? It’s when you and your new bride are in the bathroom together and ya see her on the toilet and say WHAT ARE YOU DOING and she says I’m taking a $#!t. That’s when you know the honeymoon is over!!!” HA!!!!! I’m sorry but I STILL laugh every time I say/write that. His mom called me Eddie Van Halen because I kinda looked like him and I had a SWEET mullet (party in the back and business in the front)!

I know there are TONS of other memories that I am forgetting about and a few that the ‘statute of limitations’ STILL apply to plus NO ONE has proofread this so there might be some misspelled words and grammatical errors BUT I just started typing what came to my mind!!! I’m gonna miss BUCKO!!!!! Feb 2, 2012.

THAT'S WHAT I WROTE WHEN I LEARNED THAT DAVE WENT TO THE BIG VAN HALEN CONCERT IN THE SKY... I went up to his funeral because it was the RIGHT thing to do. I saw some people that I haven't seen in 20+ years, the majority of people it was GREAT to see and catch up with, others (WELL just one person) I have no problem NEVER seeing AGAIN and this is what I and the majority of others think of them... ANYWAYS, it was very bittersweet because I saw some old friends BUT we all were there because we all lost one of our own.
As you can tell, I haven't done much to the house. SURE I did a few things, BUT I will talk about them WHEN the time is right. Besides heading up to NY I also went back up to VA. to the Boike/Mese farm because I had such a good time up there last month. LOOK what I got!!!

It's a skeleton head of a bull!!!! This thing will look SWEET in my garage!!!!!
Oh and HEY do yourself a favor and go to the Air and Space Museum in DC. It is LIKE TOTALLY RAD!!!!! LIKE OMG!!!!!

In other news, Not to make people think that I said “SCREW TECHNOLOGY” and moved to a cabin with no electricity in Montana, I gave up F/B for Lent….. It’s like when I gave up crystal meth, the first few days were hard BUT after awhile you adapt to NOT checking F/B to see if anyone commented on your status, or you feel the need to leave a humorous/smart @$$ comment on someone’s page that will cause them and others reading it to get riled up. I have found that F/B is GREAT for testing my comic material, NOT that I am a comic, BUT it’s been good to temporarily not to be on there.

That’s all I got for ya this month and remember that CRACK IS WHACK!!!!!!