Can you smell it???? NO, not the chicken manure I just spread on my lawn, SPRING is in the air!! I don’t know about you but it’s pretty much been spring since January. To all my ‘Glenn Beck/ Rush Limbaugh apostles’: WE AS HUMANS HAVE/ARE MESSING WITH THE ENVIRONMENT!!! Sad but true, you don’t have to be a granola eatin’ hippy or an average over-weight guy in a bowling league to notice that… ANYWAYS!!!!! SPRING TIME= LAWN TIME and my constant pursuit to receive the coveted ‘LANCASTER YARD OF THE MONTH’ award! They put a sign in your yard and everything…… BIG DEAL I TELL YA!!! First up are the cedar borders around the trees in the front. I got these from my parent’s wild ‘n’ whacky ex neighbor! As you can see, after 6 years they have run their course….

 I removed and contributed them to the BONFIRE GOD who was very happy to take them and use them as fuel to make it’s flames HIGHER! KIDS love big fires, HECK as long as it’s not my house, I am 39 and I love them too!! My brother and his family along with my cousin FARTIN’ MARTIN AKA Marty came over and we had a huge fire while chit chatting about some of our FUNNY family!

 OH AND! See that Miller Lite cooler that Jack is sitting on? It talks!!!! It was talking to Marty and me all night… It would say, “GUYS, looks like your beer is empty, I think you should open me up and get another one.” Who are WE to disagree with a freakin’ talking cooler?!?!?!?! Getting back to the cedar borders,  when it’s all said and done, I will replace them with some stone ones. Preferably ones that Home Depot or Walmart slash the price by 75% on in the fall when they want to get rid of the crap…. Towards the end of the night it needed some more wood and being I was in NO shape to get up and get some, My brother did and (NOT SAYING ANYONE‘S NAME) a piece of old rail road tie found its way on the fire…. FYI. R.R ties= asbestos….  NEVER burn wood ‘treated’ to lengthen its life… You are inhaling some nasty chemicals. So listen to these guys and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T BURN IT!!!

 In other news in the Lancaster metro area, I have a WIN/WIN/WIN situation (AHH HELL) it’s a WINNING ‘infinity’ situation!!!!!!! One of my neighbors has a DEAD cedar tree. I asked him if I could cut it down. He said H to the E to the double L YEAH!!! No he didn’t really say that but he did say I could….. THIS was a great opportunity for me to use Bjorn/ Marvella AND the SWEET Carhartt work clothes that MESE gave me because she doesn’t fit in them anymore! SKINNY AND AN EVER BETTER GODDESS! I TELL YA!!!!! WORK IT MESE!!!!

  PLUS! I can use the wood to make another bonfire! Big fire+ huge yard+ a ton of Legos I had when I was a kid= my nephews thinking that their uncle Andy is REALLY COOL!!!! Go ahead and call me a redneck or whatever you want, I DON’T care but, I have almost everything needed to GET ‘ER DONE! I even have a wagon for Bjorn!!!! WOO HOO!!!!! 

Wanna see my 'SERENITY NOW' moment?  

I come home from my job (which I have had for 10+ years) and throw on some work clothes, knee pads, work gloves, my iTouch with 1700+ songs, a bag of sunflower seeds and pick rocks in my back yard. YES I said PICK ROCKS!!!! I then dump them where I keep Bjorn. I planted some grass around there so it looks PURTY!!!!

What else?? Oh I turned 39 a few days ago and to celebrate it I went to the local VFW hall and PARTIED with some guys who were in the 'invasion of Panama' and their wives. MAN!!! Those guys sure can PARTY!!! HA!!!!! But what I REALLY did to celebrate my 39th birthday was grease up all the joints on Bjorn (my lawn mower), got Marvella (my chain saw) ready to cut a tree down, started changing the oil in the truck, loaded up some old metal to take to the scrap yard to be unloaded by some guys I have NO IDEA what are saying (they speak Spanish) for some $ so I can spend it at one of the greatest stores in our 236 years of existence, BIG LOTS and drank some good beer, NEWCASTLE!!!!
 That's all I got for ya this month, keep it real and remember, if ya put it on DA BOOK (F/B) don’t be SHOCKED and whine if I or someone else replies to it with something smart @$$ed…… DA BOOK= FAIR GAME!


Anonymous said…
I'm sorry I missed the question asking section from last month. I hope you are still available to respond to my queries, Blake.

1. You love your ivy. Personally, I HATE ground cover in all its forms except good ol' grass. Do you feel that people who use/overuse ground cover are simply too lazy to get out and do some real work in their yard?

2. I hear some kids argue that Stone Cold Steve Austin or Cena are the greatest-ever stars of the WWF/WWE. I maintain that Hulk Hogan, despite his cheeseball/douchebag personna of the mid-late 2000s, is the standard bearer for all that is great about pro wrestling. Where do you fall on the "greatest of our lifetimes" argument?

3. Can you think of any reasons why P!nk's "Raise Your Glass" is not the greatest pop/rock song by a female artist in the past 10 years?

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