FINALE

So you know, I, ANDY McBRIDE, has been dealing with a health issue for the couple of years or so. If you have been on the emails that I have sent or I have told you then you already know. Not going to my 20th class reunion was the kicker!! I wrote this to a friend of mine:
 Oct 15, 2012
"It started out fine. Friday, a bunch of us met at the football game and drinks afterwards. As you are aware, I have some health ‘issues’ and I tend to slur and kinda walk funny. Well I am still very self conscious about it. Well a couple people made comments to others to make sure I had a ride home because people thought I was drunk….. They meant no harm whatsoever BUT I kinda saw the writing on the wall so while lying in bed that night I made the decision NOT to go to the actual reunion the following night. I didn’t want people to see me like this and think I was a DRUNKEN FOOL. Plus I kinda felt bad because I have said stuff to some of the girls that I don’t think they or their spouses found too amusing…  I think it was just best that I didn’t go. Do I have regrets? SURE but I still think it was the right thing to do. This whole experience made me realize that I need to just announce to all that I have some ‘issues’ and quit trying to hide it like I have been for the past 2+ years…. "

Let's start from the beginning shall we:
Oct 10, 2010

subject: GETTING MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER!!!

"I soooooooooooo just gave my mom a heart attack!!! SORRY MOM!!! First off to all that didn't know, a little background info for ya, I have been having some balancing 'issues', I just can't do the stuff I use to be able to do. Simple stuff, so I went to a neurologist and he had me have a cat scan done, TALK ABOUT A NOISY MACHINE!!! It's like standing next to a freakin' freight train.. Anyways, I just had my follow up appointment with him and he said it's not a tumor! And it's not MS, which I made the mistake of telling my mother it might be. He said that it's a hereditary gene that is causing my cerebellum, which controls my speak and balance, to shrink. THERE IS NO TREATMENT FOR IT! It is a gradual thing. SOOOOOOO!!! I MIGHT eventually need a walking assistant, like a cane or wheelchair. He wants me to get some more blood work done, so I am off to have that done. EVERYONE!!!! Sure I'm a little freaked out by this BUT as God as my witness, THIS WILL NOT STOP ME! I, Robert Andrew McBride, will just need to put on my 'BIG BOY BRITCHES' and deal with it. And I expect y'all to do the same. Sure there is stuff I can't do or I am really slow at doing BUT I'm STILL Andy!!! OKIE DOKIE????? That's it! I really don't want to talk about it anymore...... Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go get POKED with a needle and then going to the DUMP to be asked by the attendant where I am from because I talk funny...... BYE!!!"


I went to get a 2nd opinion and so the following emails are about the second Dr. I saw.

Nov 22, 2010
"Not sure about if you had to take it in your school but we had to and when I become fired up due to incompetence and confusion I go into the 'IOWA TEST MODE'. That's where I shut down and don't really care what the outcome is. First off, The Dr. I saw name was Patel! Cool guy but his ENGLISH SUCKED so he talked and instead of me asking him to repeat it because I didn't understand him, I just nodded my head and said yes. I THINK he said something about it maybe being a vitamin deficiency, I guess I can look forward to a stocking FULL of vitamins for Christmas right mom? THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A COPY OF THE EFFING CAT SCAN!!!! I guess I have to get an EFFing copy of it and bring it to him!!! DUDE!!!!! Ya think that after spending $1700 EFFing bucks the Dr. I go to get a EFFing 2nd opinion would have the data cd along with my medical records! SWEET JESUS! ANYWAYS! He examined me and all that fun stuff and said a few things. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!! SO AT THIS POINT I REALLY DON'T CARE IF I NEED A NURSE TO WIPE MY @$$ EVENTUALLY! Let's just ALL agree that I'm CURED and everything is OKIE DOKIE! I'm just slow doing stuff, THAT'S ALL!!!!! I DO NOT want to talk about it anymore! NO MOM, please don't call me. FAMILY, DO NOT bring it up at Thanksgiving, Ya want me to go home earlier, then bring it up!"




Jan 24, 2011
"Okie dokie, First off, I was REALLY pissed the last time I went and saw the Dr.! They had NOTHING, including my freaking CAT SCAN/MRI...... So that's why I sent that BLISTERING email. I was PISSED!!! Anyways, I had an appointment this afternoon and I was VERY LUCKY to have Mrs. Boike, a registered nurse and a hospital administrator go with me. She was ABLE to explain EVERYTHING to me and when the Dr. said something SHE WOULD write it down and ask further questions. This is what went down:

1. He thinks I have spinal cerebellum ataxia BUT he wants to run a few more tests to see, KRIPES! It could be just a vitamin deficiency.
2. He order a blood test and I had it done a few minutes ago. They are for certain things like vitamin stuff and ect.
3. I have to PEE in a jug for a day so they can analyze that too! (I think I'll wait to do that on a Saturday because it would FREAK out EVERYONE at work if I was walking around with a jug full of PEE!
4. He is going to have another DR. check out my MRI and get this thoughts on it too.
5. I'm going to start having some genetic testing done too. (They come to your house to do it.) That's pretty cool if ya ask me.

May 6th, 2011
I'm running out of patience..... The Dr. has me do the SAME stuff every time I am in there PLUS he told me that the EFFing lab LOST my blood work so I have to go and give 10 more samples of blood again!! I LOVE getting pricked by a needle!!!!! Very relaxing! (Rolling my eyes).........  Due to a scheduling conflict, Mrs. Boike was not able to come with me but if she did, ALL HELL WOULD HAVE BROKEN LOOSE let me tell ya..... She is a 'GOD SEND' because she makes the Dr. stop and says "Can you please explain that so Andy can understand that". I can totally tell that the Dr. HATES being 2nd guessed and made to explain stuff in 'layman" terms.... BUT it is my health!!!

Nov 4, 2011
NO answers!!!!! I went to my Dr. appointment today and we are STILL at where we were over a year ago! They have run quite a few tests, KRIPES! I can't tell you how much blood they have taken and DON'T get me started about the $! F.U.B.A.R best describes it.... He recommended that I go to the Duke Medical Center for a 'DR. that knows what the EFF they are doing' my opinion, to examine me plus he wants me to go to a physical therapist so I can learn to do stuff WITHOUT falling.... I'd write more BUT all day and Mrs. Boike will attest to this, I've been on the edge of 'LOSING IT' so I will try not to talk about it anymore until I have a few days to digest the UNCERTAINTY...... Trying to keep my chin up, So now you can FIRE away with the questions I KNOW you have. Will I answer them???? MAYBE, Maybe NOT! It depends on my mood."

Again, it’s called spinal cerebellum ataxia, ‘GOOGLE’ it! I did once and it kinda freaked me out. There is a video of someone with it trying to walk…… That image will ALWAYS be in my mind! So now we are all on the same page. I have had 'issues' with my balance for the last 5 or so years but being the male I am, I just ignored them and went on with my life BUT one day two summers ago, I just couldn't hide it anymore and my mother ORDERED ME to go to my Dr... He said EVERYTHING checked out groovy. Blood, Urine, EXT. BUT he said that he would feel more comfortable sending me to a specialist.

HA!!!! Sometime I will tell you the story involving a certain EX supervisor, my family, friends and an MRI/CAT SCAN appointment. All I will say about it is, Issac Newton 3rd law of motion "For every action there is an equal and opposite re-action." sums it up quite well. ANYWAYS, it affects my balance and my speech as if you think I am DRUNK because I slur really bad sometimes. A great example of this was at the last BEER-PA-LOOZA when an ex cop, Tammy R., gave me a sobriety test and I failed because I was doing something with my eyes..... I SOOOOOOOOO wanted to tell her but I didn't..
Some people think that I don't ACT like I have something wrong with me, Sorry BUT I WON'T be one of those people that ACT THEIR ILLNESS! I CHOOSE to NOT let it stop me and be like my nephew Jack who is autistic, happy with the way I am NO MATTER WHAT!!!!! Sure I have my good and bad days BUT I'm STILL Andy McBride, some might say that I am still immature, cold, snobby and just flat out contentious, I'm just slower at what I do. Whether it be doing anything that's normal to working on projects I have at casa de McBride or doing everyday things. So no more of this!

So if you see me going down the stairs at work and I am slow, It’s not that I am holding you up on purpose, it’s just that I have to take my time, OKIE DOKIE? Also, I don’t want you to think I am ‘hitting’ on you when I ask to hold your hand when we are someplace and I need to get up and walk to the restroom. I just need something ‘steady’ to hold on to sometimes. A great example of this was when I was graciously asked to be a pall barrier at Dave Donavan’s funeral and I asked Todd Hopkins, Richie Bess and Mike Nenno if I could hold on to their shoulder while we walked so I didn’t fall…. I fall sometimes and YES it’s embarrassing, I am still young so hopefully I don’t break anything, BUT I hate that other people see it because they can get upset seeing something like that. I think it was last time I was up at the Boike/Mese farm in VA. and he saw me fall and I know it upset him to see it. I get CRAZY LOOKS when I say how early I get up in the morning to stretch, do yoga and work out but it helps me control the 'balance issues' I have.. I've held out telling everyone because I have learned that people treat you different when they know something is wrong with you, plus when people see you the first thing they ask is about your health. To be honest with ya, I REALLY don't want to talk about it in depth..... Please don't think that I'm ALWAYS 'happy go lucky' with all of this. 99% of me accepts my fate but there are times I get very upset with this, it’s not every day a couple neurologists tell you that you will need an ‘assistant’ to help ya walk. And by ‘assistant’ they mean a freakin’ wheelchair….. I don’t care who ya are! That’s a big pill to have to swallow.

I'm THINKING that in the next couple of months that I MIGHT go to the Duke Medical Center and have ANOTHER EFFing neurologist check me out again, HOPEFULLY one that can help me!!! I have started working out the details and I just need someone to go with me because I have a SNEAKING suspicion that they will need to do a 'spinal tap' on me (FUNNY BAND BUT A SCARY PROCEDURE) to hold my hand and to take notes of what they say. Mrs. Boike is doing the research to see what Dr. I should go to and that will be the one I go to because she knows what the EFF she is doing and I TRUST her!!! ON a side note, YOU can tell BIG TIME if I don't trust you!!!! It's a HUGE thing for me!!! Always has and ALWAYS will be..... BUT in all, I hope the nurse is HOT who has to 'clean me' when I can't do it myself anymore and always to JUST LET IT BE!! ****** So you know, I deleted a few comments after I spoke with some former and current friends in the H.R (Human Resources) Dept. that would have MIGHT riled up some people BUT, I did leave the following statement in BECAUSE......******* As always take care of yourself and I would LOVE to take a drug test at work! I'd pass with 'flying colors' you would too right!?!?!?!

ACTUNG!!!! I have decided that this will be my last entry for a while. GOD SPEED KIDS!!! I have a few more blog entries in DA WORKS, because I am ALWAYS THINKING

and I MIGHT post them in the future. The KEY word is MIGHT!!!

'HAPPY whatever doesn't offend you'!!!

Because I like MOST of you and I am taking a break from cleaning my kitchen, I'm here to give you some knowledge about finance, computers, cars and a few things in between so YOU can have a net worth of 5.5 MILLION like me! HA!!!!!! KIDDING OR AM I!?!??!!? You decide.............

*#*#* All the stuff I am about to give you is FREE! I LIKE THAT PRICE!!! WOO HOO!!!*#*#*

FINANCE:

• https://www.quizzle.com/ It's a great way to MANAGE your finances and gives you your credit score! ###### NOW IT'S NOT YOUR TRUE FICO SCORE BUT IT'S CLOSE AND GIVES YOU A 'BALL PARK' FIGURE!######

• https://www.mint.com/ THIS is another GREAT site!!! It downloads and manages all of your bank and loan accounts.

• https://www.creditkarma.com/ This gives your credit score AGAIN!!! ###### NOW IT'S NOT YOUR TRUE FICO SCORE BUT IT'S CLOSE AND GIVES YOU A 'BALL PARK' FIGURE!######

• https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp It's your RIGHT as an AMERICAN CITIZEN to be able to pull your credit report each year FOR FREE!!!! DO IT and check for errors. The credit reporting agencies are NOTORIOUS for that kind of stuff!

• http://www.clarkhoward.com/ and http://www.daveramsey.com/home/ THESE two are my 'GO TO GUYS' when I have ANY financial question, WORDS can't describe what I have learned from them!!!!!! They rock like KISS at the Thomas and Mack Center at Las Vegas in 88!!!! I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS THERE AND 'Rock 'N' Rolled All Night and Partied Everyday'!!!!!!

COMPUTER:

• http://free.avg.com/us-en/homepage This is a FREE anti virus program for your home computer. It's all you need TRUST ME ON THIS! I have been using it for YEARS and I have had no problems ever!!!

• http://www.openoffice.org/ So your all set to pay a lot of $ for Microsoft Office? WELL!!!! This looks a little different BUT is basically the same thing and it's A LOT cheaper then Microsoft Office!!! IT'S FREE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

• http://www.iobit.com/advancedsystemcareper.html This FREE program scans your computer and fixes 'issue' that are making your computer run slow.....

AUTO:

• http://www.recalls.gov/ Don't be that guy/gal that has possible 'issues' with your car because you weren't aware of a recall that was issued by your auto maker months ago! Register your email and they will send you a notice if there is a recall on your car!

MISC:

• http://www.ehow.com/ This site RULES!!! It shows you how to do ANYTHING!!!! KRIPES!! It helped me learn how to freakin tile and I would say it turned out OKIE DOKIE!

• http://www.antennaweb.org/ It's ALL good if you think of me as a NERD, I'm cool with it, but I know about TV and radio stuff (HELLO! I'm a 'TV and radio production' degree holder from ASU, YEAP I went to college, SHOCKER HUH? ALL stations in the USA are mandated by the FCC to broadcast in HDTV! I know the reason they did this but I will spare you that info, all you need to know is that you can get a 'CRAZY' amount of channels (network TV, NOT ESPN and stuff) just with an antenna! ********** AGAIN! NETWORK TV NOT CABLE STATIONS BUT don't fret because you can ask Shonteea, co worker, about some reality show and she will give you detailed events of each episode (THANK GOD FOR MY iTouch!).................

• https://twitter.com/ Say what you want about social media, TWITTER and 'DA BOOK' aka Facebook, BUT it's GREAT because of all the info you get from it! PEOPLE! I get all the information I can handle about football and other stuff by 'following' people from current and past players of the Buffalo Bills and news outlets from around the country. KRIPES! I knew Ryan Fitzpatrick (the Bills QB) was going to throw an interception because he tweeted that he had a hang nail early in the day. HANG NAIL=INT!!!!! PLUS Famous people will reply to you if you ask them a question! KRIPES! I almost FAINTED when Thurman Thomas 'retweeted' me!!!! MY life was complete at that moment!

There are other sites but I can't think of them right now and I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO need to get back in the kitchen to clean and to watch my Bills get HUMILIATED!!!! OH THE JOY!!!

AT THE CAR WASH!

One of my first jobs was at the ‘STP Car Wash’ in 1990…..

I and others could write a FREAKIN’ book about the stuff that we saw and did there! Forgive me if I remember this stuff like it happened yesterday BUT there were things that occurred that I WILL never forget…..These are GREAT examples of how NOT to run a business… I knew when Mike Carbonara and I applied when they were still building it, that we were in for quite a ride! A guy by the name of Jerry Beaver (I’m pretty sure he liked to drink A LOT!!!! KRIPES! He always REEKED of it) said to us, “I’m going to take a chance and hire you two.” Looking back, we were probably the most ‘normal’ and ‘straight-laced’ kids there!!

-One of the first days, we were getting the place ready to open and Jerry Beaver brought out a phone and began to scream in it like a madman!!!! Carb and I looked at each other and questioned it but this was just one of the few signs of things to come.

-There was a ‘healthy’ looking coworker of ours and one day we were all picking on him, REMEMBER, this was when ‘bullying’ someone was OKIE DOKIE and one of the guys told him that he would give him $5 bucks if the kid could do a push-up. THE POOR KID COULDN’T EVEN DO ONE!!!!!!!

-We were just a bunch of teenagers ‘looking up’ to “management”. Were most of them shady?? Is the Pope Catholic? This also applied to the guys in the LUBE area who showed us that there was a room downstairs full of all the filters and supplies needed to change oil and they and us kids had no problem ‘borrowing stuff’ KRIPES!!!! I think I had enough oil filters for every oil change I had to do on my, older brother and parent's cars for the next 5 years! THANK GOD for the statute of limitations. A person who will remain anonymous was rebuilding an engine and needed some STP Oil Treatment. Lo and behold, he had enough to use on 15 engine rebuilds the next day at school!! Oh don’t even get me started on the car cleaning stuff I had!!! Let’s just say that I ALWAYS had the best stuff to clean up your car!!!! This was the time that I honed my detailing skills…. Speaking of honing, I learn how to drive a manual-speed car... I TORE UP other people's cars while learning the 'finer' points of releasing the clutch...
-Meetings were a FREE FOR ALL!!! HECK! Boike and his then-girlfriend would come to a few…. They didn’t work there BUT they showed up anyway and NO ONE cared!!! At one he was at, we had a stripper. I think it was Tony’s (manager) birthday and I’m not sure who got the stripper but we had our meetings in the main lobby and she started to strip let’s remember that the majority of us were teenage boys so we were all dead silent and staring at the woman taking her clothes off. I remember her saying “Y’all are too quiet, I need some noise to strip.” So one of us turned on the radio and then she proceeded to get NAKED!!!! HA!!!!! She made Tony get on all fours put a leash on him and bark like a dog. I will NEVER forget him saying in his deep southern accent “BOWWWWWWWWW-WWWWWWOWWWWWW!” Boike and I were reminiscing about it the other day and he said "It was the best meeting EVVVVVVVVER!" I agree with his assessment.     
-It was my first experience having to DEAL with people from 'corporate', I think First Brands was headquartered in CT, (they owned STP), they thought they knew it ALL but were just IDIOTS in suits. Mr. Dalton (a big V.P) was a crusty old man who was 99% of the time just 'bitter' but once in a while he would lighten up and tell us stories about how ummmmmmmmmmmm a woman’s parts taste like CHICKEN!! I also learned the motto “work SMART NOT hard” from a guy that I think was a high up and used to work at Ford.

-LOOK!!!! At one time STP did tune ups and inspections, when they stopped I asked if I could have the cabinets that held all the stuff and they said sure! I STILL have them TODAY and I even gave my friend two of them……….

-STP sponsored the 43 car of Richard Petty and when the show car came to our store we would spend HOURS trying to jump start it and drive it around the parking lot. FYI, we never could. They locked up the battery so we couldn’t get to it…JERKS!

-There was an older guy there (probably in his 40s) that we ALL HATED (more than likely, it was because he made more money in tips then all of us) and one day he showed up to work all BANGED UP! He said he was in a car wreck BUT the real story was that he got SUPER DUPER drunk and tried to ride home on his 10 speed bicycle and fell off. It must have been a doozy of a wreck because he got really banged up! 

-Tony (manager) also liked to DRINK and drive, he showed up at work one day in really bad shape, neck brace and all, he wrecked his car driving home from a bar!!! THERE'S A SHOCKER! He liked to ask us if we were thirsty and then saying he was too, then he proceeded to pull out a beer from a cooler that we had on the ‘front line’ to stay cool on HOT @$$ summer days…… One day he asked Jon Brown, we called him Jelly Bean, if he really drank like 42 beers and Jelly Bean responded "Buy me the beer and I will show ya" I think Tony did!!!!! HA!! 

-Bruce (manager) was the funniest guy but was a full blown ‘coke head’. To this day, I STILL use the line he would use when someone would come up to him and say "Bruce I have a question for ya." He would say "OH it's about this big" and use his hands to describe his 'MANHOOD'.

-Mike was an ex-police officer and he would show us how to ‘subdue’ and pull a suspect out of a car by their head! I was the ‘assistant’ in him showing us how and he freakin’ grabbed me under my cheeks and above my throat and proceeded to pull me out of a car window….. It was a JOY let me tell ya! Oh and he was like in his 40’s and ‘doing’ A 20ish year old, Amy. I think it was customary to be an older guy and have ‘relations’ with a younger girl…….. Speaking of that, Tony (manager) was ‘doing’ LYNN and I asked Tony’s little boy “if he likes FAT CHICKS like his dad does”! Ask Joe Walker, He STILL brings that up when we see each other. Not sure if the job made us EVIL or we were already but, we wrote L-Y-N-N on Tony's windshield in Rain X so it only appeared when it rained! HA!!!!! ALSO, there was a 'HOLY ROLLER' that we worked with and we really were not fans, mostly because he was such a prude and according to him GOD DID EVERYTHING!!
Example:

One of us- "Mike, that car's got a flat tire."
Mike E.- "OH IT MUST BE BECAUSE GOD WANTED IT TO BE FLAT."
One of us- "OK JERRY FARWELL I guess that effin' nail had nothing to do with it..."

So we would do stuff to 'mess' with him like parking our cars around his so he couldn't move it!!! HA!! He would get soooooooo fired up and scream at us to "MOVE YOUR CARS MAAAAAAAAN"!

-One time after work we all went to the Redskins vs. Jets preseason game down in Columbia, SC and I fell off Scott Fasse’s jeep, which was black, in traffic. Oh, and I MIGHT have been a little intoxicated KRIPES! I think everyone was!!! I remember all of us 'trying' to get some from Leann, an old GROUPIE who worked there..... Let's say, that I think she lived a VERY hard life!!! She would tell us about Van Halen, She HATED Michael Anthony’s wife and how CRAZY David Lee Roth was, and how she had NEVER heard that crazy amount of noises coming from a hotel room EVER!!!!! $10 bucks says SHE was the cause of a lot of those ‘noises’.

-We used the SUPER STRONG vacuums to suck almost all of the change in someone’s ashtray (we left just enough so people didn’t think we took any) and then we would clean out the vacuum in the evening and collect the change so we had enough to buy some beer and have ANYONE, managers/the guys in the oil change area, over the age of 21 go and buy us some beer! If I recall, Bruce bought ALL of our beer for when we went to Myrtle Beach for our senior spring break in 92!!! HA!!!!!  

-We had to shut off the HUGE blow dryer at the end of the car wash for all convertibles and old cars that had a vinyl roof we forgot to turn it off and it blew a top to SHREDS and the lady didn't even notice!!!! She drove off like nothing ever happened!   

- One time, we ran out of car wash soap and we saw a big barrel full of, what we thought was more, but it was freakin’ wheel cleaner!! HA!!!!! I think STP (First Brands, the corporation) had to pay to have a few cars be repainted because we jacked them up!

-FYI! I am laughing at the same time I type this stuff. There are more stories BUT I can’t think of all of them now. Oh and DON’T JUDGE because we ALL did ‘stuff’ at our ‘teenage jobs’….

AND LET THIS BE A P.S.A FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! DO NOT take your car to a car wash! No matter how busy you think you are, do it yourself! TRUST ME ON THIS!!!! These ‘events’ molded me into the person I am today. When I witness something that’s out of whack today, I just think back to those days and say to myself, “that’s nothing out of the ordinary, One time at STP we (INSERT STORY HERE)………..”

The only other thing that happened and I deemed 'BLOG WORTHY' was that the house that my Nana and step grandpa Russ lived in had a fire. Not gonna lie to ya, I wish it burned to the ground because WHITE TRASH have lived in it for the last 20 years and the place looks like CRAP!!! MY GOD MAN!!!! Did you see how many EFFING dogs they had to rescue!?!?!?! My cousin Chris summed it up quite well by saying " Russ probably crawled out of his grave and set the fire!!!!!" DUDE!!! He built that house and my dad helped him.... So many good memories of my youth there! EFFin' WHITE TRASH!!!!! Yeah I said it!!!!!!!!

That's all got for ya this month.... Happy birthday BABY JESUS!

And remember, I have friends in high places so pretty please with a cherry on top of it, BE FRAKIN' GOOD!!!

Just a friendly reminder; I and OTHERS notice when you don't know what you are doing but act and say you do....

And today’s word is RECALCITRANT !!!

I can HONESTLY say that I have NEVER heard that word before but my sister-in-law's mother used it A LOT when raising her children!!! Now I am not one to ‘JUDGE’ but some people believe she is CO CO for Cocoa Puffs and I will neither confirm nor deny that, she is BUT I live for the stuff that comes out of her mouth!!!! DARE I SAY, SOLID EFFIN' GOLD!!! She is one of the wild and wacky characters at casa de Mike y Liz McBride... As all of you that have met my brother Mike know, we are like NIGHT and DAY!!!

He is very reserved and is very careful with what he says and does. I on the other hand, WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL............. He is ALWAYS trying to give things away because he likes to 'organize' and he will find stuff and try to give it to Liz's brother Will, my cousin Fartin' Martin', any of his 14000+ follows on Twitter @McBride or me.... This is CLASSIC MIKE McBRIDE for ya and if you are friends with him, you will nod your head in agreement when I show you what that wild and wacky brother of mine did.

He gave me a can of cement sealer/paint. I used it to paint a section of my garage and when I opened it I found this!!!!!!!!! HA!!!!! He left the brush in there from when he used it, probably years ago!!!!!!!!! All I could say was OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MICHAEL!!!!!!

In my constant pursuit to always be prepared, I bought a generator. So the plan was ‘seeded’ in July when I went to Boike and Mese’s casa. They had a very BAD thunderstorm and they were without power for a few days. Boike and I discussed generators the day I was up there. I knew I needed one for ‘JUST IN CASE’ plus seeing Boike’s pale white @$$ showering on the front porch really helped me decide. A Honda one would be the ULTIMATE but for as little as you need one THOSE THINGS ARE LIKE $2k, WEEEEEEEEEEEL! I was in Aldi the other day doing some grocery shopping and I saw this!

Now FIRST OFF, it’s a name I have NEVER heard of BUT for $230 it was a chance I was willing to take, plus it is small and is really all I need to run my refrigerator and little A/C window unit is needed.... AGAIN!!! I don’t need a TOP OF THE LINE one, just something I can use for times that the power goes out and the last time that happened was like three years ago……

Let SEE, what else have I done????? Instead of going to my 20th class reunion (I'll tell ya why on 1/1/13), I worked on some trim in my bathroom, so that while pondering life on the throne I don't have to look at the old trim and say to myself "I should fix that"..... I also played out in the yard (that's what I call working out in the yard) and planted some grass in an area where it's ALWAYS a challenge to grow it!!! ALSO, I LOVE eating sunflower seeds when I am outside playing in the yard. Well a few days ago I was all ready to put a pinch of them in and start weed whacking. I keep them in a bag on the mustang….. WELL I go to get some and they are ALL shells!!!! A freakin’ mouse ate them all!! LITTLE B#ST#RD!!!! This fired me up so I set a trap for him with yummy peanut butter as bait….. The next morning after working out, I went out to the garage and YAHTZEE!! The trap worked and the little feller was deader than a door nail!!!! NOW! I’m still kinda fired up because I have to go to Dollar General and buy another bag!!! I ain’t made of $ ya know!!!
Installed a security camera for $#iT$ and giggles, Wanna see it???? Here's what it is aimed at

 

And ALWAYS remember:

****** I am sooooooooo sorry to the 4 people that read this but I have found out that installing back splash is NATAS (SATAN spelled backwards) plus getting stung by some yellow jackets didn't help either!! Those little bastards are no more thanks to a can of RAID!!!! ANYWAYS, this WAS supposed to be posted on 9-1-12, so without further ado here it is.....******

KITCHEN Version 2.0!!!

Being that I live alone and I'm NEVER in a RUSH, great band, to get stuff done and I have a committee that consists of three people: ME, MYSELF and I, The kitchen DEMO and remodel has been going on for the past two years as you can tell by some of the pictures that have dates. I have been sidetracked and had to pay for other stuff, like a new roof after a FORMER acquaintance screwed me over, and SERIOUSLY You would PUKE if you knew what a freakin' cat scan and some blood work was AFTER your insurance paid their part and acted like it was NOT in their freakin' NETWORK!!!! KRIPES!!! I'll tell ya later what that is all about, and having to deal with being hit didn't help either.

FINALLY we had a really bad hale storm that WREAKED havoc on my poor Civic, Yep! The one I just got. Where were we? OH YEAH! The kitchen had its 'ISSUES' to say the least: a crappy floor that the family that owned the house before used as their FREAKIN' canvas!

Plus it was just down right NASTY linoleum. And the GREEN counter tops UMMMMMMMM were well, even for a straight guy with NO design sense at all, were hard on the eyes.   

Also there were other things that needed to put out to pasture to freakin' DIE! So one day I just started taking stuff OUT with my TRUSTY OL' Sawz-all, a utility razor and a scraper.... 

I did that first, 9-10, and then I did one thing at a time. I left a little of the old counter top so I had a place to have my coffee maker and toaster.

Whenever I had the money to pay for it, I would do it. CRAZY CONCEPT HUH!?!?!? Pay cash as you go instead of being the bank's BEEEEEEOOOOOTCH and take out a loan. Proverbs- 22:7 "a borrower is a slave to a lender". As you are well aware, I, Andy McBride, have NO 'design' skills so I asked the fine ladies at work, and Mese who I DON'T work with but I VALUE her thoughts on design, their advice each part I started. Up first was Amanda, Ms. BUFORD 1990, and she instructed me on the right blinds to get for the window at the kitchen sink.

They will ALWAYS be affectionately referred to as the 'Amanda Blinds'. ALSO If you noticed, there was TOO much excess 'shade' so I just Googled: 'getting blinds to length' AND wouldn't you know it, there's a video showing you what to do!! GOD BLESS THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!!!

Up next, I took all the trim out because I'll install new stuff when I tile the floor.

I emailed Mese a photo I took of some tile I saw at Home Depot and asked if they would be 'right'? She gave me the GREEN LIGHT so I went back and bought a few boxes of them.

My old friend Aaron from West Valley, NY gave me some tile mortar that he had left over from his tile project. SCORE!!! ALSO!!! The screws I used for the subfloor were ones from the old shed out at the LakeLand!! Talk about OLD! Now I have NEVER laid tile so I asked and received help from, well, to protect his I.D., let's call him 'Ed' who's a contractor and has all the knowledge and tools needed to get the job done. AGAIN, to PROTECT his identity I blocked out his face in all the pictures. One day I'll tell ya why.....

Basically it's just centering the first tile and going from there! I spent the next 2 weeks doing a little at a time. GOOD GOD! How do truck stop HOs do it? Being on your knees for hours freakin' BITES!!!

Did ya notice the TILE JOB I did where the refrigerator will go??? HA!!! I used ALL the spare pieces from the tile you will ACTUALLY see!!!!  YOU, my friends, are the ONLY ones that will see this because it will be covered up by a HEAVY AS H@!! appliance! ANDY 'USE EVERYTHING YA GOT' McBRIDE!!!

And the whole 'grouting' thing is as easy as a prom date! Spread it and then sponge it off!!! EASY!!!!!!!!

I was 'thinking' and I remembered that there is a bunch of unused crown molding in my garage that was left there by the previous owner.

So I measured out the kitchen and then the molding and WOO HOO!! I had enough for the whole thing!!!
 

SCREW having the Mustang on the road when it's a GREAT place to put my crown molding to dry...

I asked a guy at work if he had an air hammer and he said that not only does he have one but it's still in the FREAKIN' plastic and never used!!! WOO HOO!!! Manually hammering stuff is soooooooooooooooooo 20th century!!

As you can see, I painted them the same color as the walls but after putting them up I wanted some home decor advise from my sister in law on if they should stay peach or should I paint them white..... AND THE WINNER IS:

While having a few heated 'discussions' with POPS about cutting the angles (They make it look so easy on those videos) and stuff, I decided to go and get some corner pieces....... It makes it A LOT easier TRUST ME!!!!

Paint!?!?!?! Well I had Khrystal tell me what color to get.

So I 'PREPPED' the walls with this! 

AND FYI, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got this 'spackling' at Big Lots!!!! Saving $ and looking good! I like that combo! WIN/WIN BABY!

Check it out!

This is another example of ME, Robert Andrew McBride, thinking I grew up during the GREAT DEPRESSION. See the can of white paint on the right? Well, It's like 5+ years old and smells kinda nasty and was totally separated when I opened the can BUT I mixed it for like an hour and WOO HOO, It was like new!?!?!?! I sooooooooooooo used it to touch up the trim! It dries NORMAL but the hint of STALE paint still kinda lingers....

I knew I had one BUT I never really thought much of it BUT I utilized the telephone jack with a SWEET @$$ 'OLD SCHOOL' rotary phone that you would have found in your grandma's house....

I got it for Christmas in 2010. Mom 'hooked me up' by going on eBay. She said that it cost more to ship then it was to actually win the item. As you know, I'm ALL ABOUT 'hand-me-downs' and so when my sister in law asked if I wanted her stainless steel microwave and oven I asked "Does a bear POOPY in the woods?" SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Big Ron and I installed them and LOOKY!!!! THEY EFFing ROCK like Van Halen at Rich stadium in 88! I KNOW because I was there!!!!!

HA!!!!! I posted this picture on 'DA BOOK' (Facebook) when I first installed it and my friend Felicia asked if I was redoing the kitchen and I said "maybe I am and maybe I ain't!!! Keep them in suspense! I sooooooooo learned that when I was working in radio!

I also got their old kitchen light!!! Who the hell needs Goodwill when ya got ANDY McBRIDE that will be more than happy to take your stuff?

Oh yeah, do you want to see what my brother and his wife replaced all the stuff they gave me with?

All I am sayin' is that Thanksgiving dinner better be the BEST EVER with that 'FOOD NETWORK SET UP'! OH and this is ONE of their kitchens!!! They have TWO FREAKIN' KITCHENS!!!! Let me repeat that in case you didn't hear me the first time, THEY HAVE TWO KITCHENS!!!!! I assume one is to store all their Grey Poupon.

This was my thinking on the counter tops; I knew I wanted granite but I had NO idea about what color BUT I did know I didn't want ORANGE! YUCK! I've been told that granite is 'timeless' and I say to that. "RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!" $10 bucks says that someone probably told that to Mary Cawley back in 1968 when she had ORANGE, or whatever color they were, counter tops installed when they remodeled her kitchen.

So I'm cool with a dark color and as long as I am happy with them then I don't give a FLIP if they are NOT 'Timeless'. This is where Amber and Suzanne come in. The granite guy came over and took measurements and told me that this

would be a good choice plus he was running a special on it!!!!! That SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got me drooling but I STILL needed approval from a female. I emailed Amber and Suzanne and they both gave it the 'green light'!!!! SO! These are my new counter tops!!!!

I tell ya, it sure is weird to have actually have a place to set stuff instead of the little space I had for the last year.....

Back splash!?!?!?! It consists of some tile a guy down the street was selling. Need any axe handles or stairway railing or maybe some tile mortar? He's got that stuff for sale too...

Get this! I called the guy up and this was the conversation:
ME- "Hi there sir, I am here in your front yard checking out your tile and I would like to know how much they are..."
GUY- "The little tile is $.50 and the big ones are a dollar. I'm not there right now so pick out what you want and leave the $ in the lock box I have on my front porch."
ME- "REALLY!?!?!"
GUY- "Yep". 

GOTTA LOVE the 'Honor System'!!!!

So with the smell of a rotting animal in the air (seriously! Something died around there, AHHHHHHH the price I pay to save some $) I took a few sheets of tile that I think will be nice.

AND!!!!! I went to Lowes and found some tile that matches it!!! WOO HOO!!!!

I also got some tile from a house that makes me appreciate having a CLEAN place to live!!! This tile cost me $7.47( antibiotic) + $55.00( DR. visit) = $62.47  GOOD GOD (Here's the story) and made a different pattern around the window and the oven. To make EVERYONE happy, I made some of the tile horizontal and others vertical...

Working on a back splash SUCKS!!!! You have to lean over your counter top to do it which almost guarantees a pulled muscle in your back EVERY TIME!!!! So I learned to do a little at a time….. BUT I SMELL like a 75 year old with Ben-Gay smeared all over the affected area. Basically I am saying that it's been the DEATH of me!!!!!  I started grouting a section and even I KNEW it was too dark.....

So I conversed with my interior designer, MESE and she agreed to go with a lighter shade. So I spent a few days painstakingly taking out the old grout!!! GOOD GOD It's MESSY!!!!!! Oh and!!!! The section you see was done one EFFing tile at a time!!!! I didn't like the spacing so I cut the backing.... GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!! OH AND I was also advised by a female and a gay man to make sure that the grout lines match and who am I to disagree with that??? So I tore some up and re DID it!!!

And so I put on my SWEEEEEEEET headband and work on it EVERYDAY after work....

and lay freakin' one tile at a time! No it's not that I want to punish myself BUT the two types of tile I got are NOT the same size and I want them all to match! DON'T HATE BECAUSE I AM ANAL!!!

It's ANOTHER great time to ponder life and other important issues that make the world turn like:

• When I am finished with this row of tiles, I think I will mow the lawn. It's kinda high...
• I wonder what will be the last song I hear before I die? I sure hope it's not some CRAPPY Musak version of some Air Supply song I hear over the hospital PA.
• My CCHS (Charlotte Catholic High School) 20th reunion is in a few weeks and I sure hope someone doesn't cuss me out for something I did or said on DA BOOK (F/B).
• Speaking of that, I wonder how Kirsten (DeLuca) Hungate is? She was such a sweetheart
• Should I even go? Hell! Some people don't EVEN respond to stuff I write them on thier EFFing wall....... I'm sure most people think I am a FREAK.
• I really need to back up my iTouch so I'm 'not up a creek' if it dies and I have to get another one.
• This row isn't straight! SON OF A!!! I need to redo it!!! This doing one tile at a time SUCKS!!!! I soooooooooooooooo should have just sucked it up and done it SHEET by SHEET!!!!!
• HA!!!! You have to be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY 'sure' of yourself to write a song asking "If ya want my body and ya think I am sexy come on sugar let me know."
• I think that it's best if I deactivate my account on 'DA BOOK' and only activate it the first day of the month to announce that I updated my blog....
• I want some Carhartt overalls for Christmas! I need to email mom and tell her....
• This isn't perfect but OH WELL!!!! I guess I will have to find something to put in front of it like my coffee maker or something...
• Do I need 6 months or a year of $ for my emergency fund? I need to check the internet for an answer.
• KRIPES! 'White Christmas' is on now thanks to my iTouch being on 'shuffle all' and I am covered with tile mortar and I am sitting down, I REALLY DON'T want to go a change it. 
• Should or shouldn't I get the new Sade DVD? I have ALL of her stuff already, AWWWWW HELL, what's it going to hurt if I get it...
• I shouldn't have left that comment on (insert name here)'s page on DA BOOK......
• GOOD LORD! This is a TERRIBLE SONG! Why is this on my iTouch??? There’s a name for someone who says “So we found this hotel, It was a place I knew well.” IT’S CALLED A SLUT!!!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• I really need to pee but I will I put up one more tile.
• HA!! I REALLY riled up Lori (LUTE) Funden with the 'Cutco knife issue' I wonder how long before she will talk to me again 3 or 6 months or even a YEAR???
• Other stuff but I cannot repeat it because, well.... MY MOTHER READS THIS!

Even Bailey is helping me out!!!!! OH WAIT A MINUTE!

I HAVE to get this done by 9-3-12 (CHECK THAT ) because I SET that deadline to have the kitchen done!!! More like 10-1-12............

What have I learned though all of this?

1. It's all pretty easy stuff to do and to ALWAYS remember K.I.S.S ( KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID).
2. Take your time! Do one thing and save up $ to do the next thing you have on your 'wish list' and do somethings in your spare time, EX. I 'prepped' the walls one Sunday morning while enjoying a nice cup of JAVA....
3. If you got something laying around, like the crown molding, USE IT!!! KRIPES! It ain't doing any good for ya just sittin' in the garage.
4. Wear shoes because you have a pretty good chance of getting a splinter when you walk on a floor that's just good ol' plain plywood. 
5. Learning how to do stuff like laying down tile is pretty cool.
6. To piggy back on #4, It's REALLY nice to have friends (some FORMER) that know how to do this stuff and are more than happy to help ya out.
7. EACH item that received the 'GREEN LIGHT' from a lady will all be called by their name, EXAMPLE 'the Amanda blinds', 'the MESE tile' 
8. YOU NEED TO REINFORCE YOUR KITCHEN when ya add tile and granite!! Here's the deal... One night I’m chillin’ on the couch playing on the internet when I hear some SNAP, CRACKLE, POP going on in my wall by the kitchen. It kind of freaked me out… I don’t want my roof to fall on me, THAT WOULD SO LEAVE A MARK!!! So I call a contractor to come out and look at things, I’m thinking that I will need a new wall or something. So he comes out and I explained what I heard and the situation. He asks when I had the tile and granite counter tops installed. I said in the last 6 months. He looks at me and says “DANG! That’s a lot of weight.” The support beams under the house need to be reinforced. HA!!!!!! I had a DOH! moment because I SHOULD have thought about that!!!! So he and his crew came over and installed some supports. I know it’s something I could easily do BUT my back is hurtin’ like a MOFO from working on the backsplash so I can’t do it!!!! 

I would also like to thank the committee for selecting me for this prestigious honor! HA!!!! Isn't that what EVERY ACTOR says when they win an OSCAR or something? But seriously, I want to give SHOUT OUTS to:

• Amanda for telling me what blinds to get.
• POPS for showing me when I was younger how to do this stuff and also giving me tools (like EVERY trowel known to man) that he had including Renee's freaking SWEET @$$ tile cutter!!!!
• 'Peachy' for explaining to me to 'focus' on stuff that people WILL see and not to worry about stuff that they won't.......
• Aaron for giving me a 5 gallon container of tile mortar that he had left over from when he 'tiled' his bathroom floor. FREE IS GOOD I TELL YA! 
• Mese for giving me the 'green light' on the tile to get.
• Steph for picking the outlet covers. 
• Valerie and Melissa for telling me what color GROUT to get for the tiles.
• Khystal for 'recommending' what paint I should get.  
• Gary S. for showing me when I was younger the proper way to prime before you paint! Cars/ walls they are the same thing in a way.  
• Mike and Liz (Brother and sister in law) for the ROCKIN' stainless steel stuff!!!!
• My old neighbor Greg for helping me unload the SWEET oven and microwave.
• Steve and Lynda for the fake plant idea for the top of the cabinets. 
• Grandpa Cawley AND my great grandpa DA EDWARD PAGNARD for the SWEET level and ruler that I used to make sure stuff was straight.
• Theresa C. and Stephanie for 'advising' me on what the back splash SHOULD look like. 
• 'Ed' for coming down to casa de McBride and helping me lay down tile.
• Tracy (IT'S A GUY) for letting me use his air hammer! OH AND BY THE WAY, There is a call in the queue for over a MINUTE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

AGAIN!!! EVERYTHING you see was first approved by a woman before I installed it!!! Now it may not all be ‘PERFECT’ looking BUT I’m cool with it and the last time I checked, THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS! Now after two years of doing stuff here and there I GIVE YOU THE FINAL RESULTS.......

 

NOW It's 'BLOGGING 202' and today's subject is about SLIDE SHOWS that I painstakingly put on here..... If you are older than 50, LISTEN UP! When you see this:

It is NOT just a picture. Hit the play button in the bottom left hand corner and it will show you that there are more then just one picture..

FINALLY I want you to welcome my NEW proofreader, the one and only KATE KOCKLER!!! Her and I have been 'ROLLIN' since 1973!!!

A brief background on her: SHE IS AWESOME! End of story!!! Let's hope she does a better job then my previous two who 'DROPPED THE BALL' on their duties to help me to grammatically entertain you!!!!

 

That's all I got for ya this month and remember, it's ALWAYS easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission......