****** I am sooooooooo sorry to the 4 people that read this but I have found out that installing back splash is NATAS (SATAN spelled backwards) plus getting stung by some yellow jackets didn't help either!! Those little bastards are no more thanks to a can of RAID!!!! ANYWAYS, this WAS supposed to be posted on 9-1-12, so without further ado here it is.....******

KITCHEN Version 2.0!!!

Being that I live alone and I'm NEVER in a RUSH, great band, to get stuff done and I have a committee that consists of three people: ME, MYSELF and I, The kitchen DEMO and remodel has been going on for the past two years as you can tell by some of the pictures that have dates. I have been sidetracked and had to pay for other stuff, like a new roof after a FORMER acquaintance screwed me over, and SERIOUSLY You would PUKE if you knew what a freakin' cat scan and some blood work was AFTER your insurance paid their part and acted like it was NOT in their freakin' NETWORK!!!! KRIPES!!! I'll tell ya later what that is all about, and having to deal with being hit didn't help either.

FINALLY we had a really bad hale storm that WREAKED havoc on my poor Civic, Yep! The one I just got. Where were we? OH YEAH! The kitchen had its 'ISSUES' to say the least: a crappy floor that the family that owned the house before used as their FREAKIN' canvas!

Plus it was just down right NASTY linoleum. And the GREEN counter tops UMMMMMMMM were well, even for a straight guy with NO design sense at all, were hard on the eyes.   

Also there were other things that needed to put out to pasture to freakin' DIE! So one day I just started taking stuff OUT with my TRUSTY OL' Sawz-all, a utility razor and a scraper.... 

I did that first, 9-10, and then I did one thing at a time. I left a little of the old counter top so I had a place to have my coffee maker and toaster.

Whenever I had the money to pay for it, I would do it. CRAZY CONCEPT HUH!?!?!? Pay cash as you go instead of being the bank's BEEEEEEOOOOOTCH and take out a loan. Proverbs- 22:7 "a borrower is a slave to a lender". As you are well aware, I, Andy McBride, have NO 'design' skills so I asked the fine ladies at work, and Mese who I DON'T work with but I VALUE her thoughts on design, their advice each part I started. Up first was Amanda, Ms. BUFORD 1990, and she instructed me on the right blinds to get for the window at the kitchen sink.

They will ALWAYS be affectionately referred to as the 'Amanda Blinds'. ALSO If you noticed, there was TOO much excess 'shade' so I just Googled: 'getting blinds to length' AND wouldn't you know it, there's a video showing you what to do!! GOD BLESS THE WORLD WIDE WEB!!!!

Up next, I took all the trim out because I'll install new stuff when I tile the floor.

I emailed Mese a photo I took of some tile I saw at Home Depot and asked if they would be 'right'? She gave me the GREEN LIGHT so I went back and bought a few boxes of them.

My old friend Aaron from West Valley, NY gave me some tile mortar that he had left over from his tile project. SCORE!!! ALSO!!! The screws I used for the subfloor were ones from the old shed out at the LakeLand!! Talk about OLD! Now I have NEVER laid tile so I asked and received help from, well, to protect his I.D., let's call him 'Ed' who's a contractor and has all the knowledge and tools needed to get the job done. AGAIN, to PROTECT his identity I blocked out his face in all the pictures. One day I'll tell ya why.....

Basically it's just centering the first tile and going from there! I spent the next 2 weeks doing a little at a time. GOOD GOD! How do truck stop HOs do it? Being on your knees for hours freakin' BITES!!!

Did ya notice the TILE JOB I did where the refrigerator will go??? HA!!! I used ALL the spare pieces from the tile you will ACTUALLY see!!!!  YOU, my friends, are the ONLY ones that will see this because it will be covered up by a HEAVY AS H@!! appliance! ANDY 'USE EVERYTHING YA GOT' McBRIDE!!!

And the whole 'grouting' thing is as easy as a prom date! Spread it and then sponge it off!!! EASY!!!!!!!!

I was 'thinking' and I remembered that there is a bunch of unused crown molding in my garage that was left there by the previous owner.

So I measured out the kitchen and then the molding and WOO HOO!! I had enough for the whole thing!!!
 

SCREW having the Mustang on the road when it's a GREAT place to put my crown molding to dry...

I asked a guy at work if he had an air hammer and he said that not only does he have one but it's still in the FREAKIN' plastic and never used!!! WOO HOO!!! Manually hammering stuff is soooooooooooooooooo 20th century!!

As you can see, I painted them the same color as the walls but after putting them up I wanted some home decor advise from my sister in law on if they should stay peach or should I paint them white..... AND THE WINNER IS:

While having a few heated 'discussions' with POPS about cutting the angles (They make it look so easy on those videos) and stuff, I decided to go and get some corner pieces....... It makes it A LOT easier TRUST ME!!!!

Paint!?!?!?! Well I had Khrystal tell me what color to get.

So I 'PREPPED' the walls with this! 

AND FYI, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got this 'spackling' at Big Lots!!!! Saving $ and looking good! I like that combo! WIN/WIN BABY!

Check it out!

This is another example of ME, Robert Andrew McBride, thinking I grew up during the GREAT DEPRESSION. See the can of white paint on the right? Well, It's like 5+ years old and smells kinda nasty and was totally separated when I opened the can BUT I mixed it for like an hour and WOO HOO, It was like new!?!?!?! I sooooooooooooo used it to touch up the trim! It dries NORMAL but the hint of STALE paint still kinda lingers....

I knew I had one BUT I never really thought much of it BUT I utilized the telephone jack with a SWEET @$$ 'OLD SCHOOL' rotary phone that you would have found in your grandma's house....

I got it for Christmas in 2010. Mom 'hooked me up' by going on eBay. She said that it cost more to ship then it was to actually win the item. As you know, I'm ALL ABOUT 'hand-me-downs' and so when my sister in law asked if I wanted her stainless steel microwave and oven I asked "Does a bear POOPY in the woods?" SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Big Ron and I installed them and LOOKY!!!! THEY EFFing ROCK like Van Halen at Rich stadium in 88! I KNOW because I was there!!!!!

HA!!!!! I posted this picture on 'DA BOOK' (Facebook) when I first installed it and my friend Felicia asked if I was redoing the kitchen and I said "maybe I am and maybe I ain't!!! Keep them in suspense! I sooooooooo learned that when I was working in radio!

I also got their old kitchen light!!! Who the hell needs Goodwill when ya got ANDY McBRIDE that will be more than happy to take your stuff?

Oh yeah, do you want to see what my brother and his wife replaced all the stuff they gave me with?

All I am sayin' is that Thanksgiving dinner better be the BEST EVER with that 'FOOD NETWORK SET UP'! OH and this is ONE of their kitchens!!! They have TWO FREAKIN' KITCHENS!!!! Let me repeat that in case you didn't hear me the first time, THEY HAVE TWO KITCHENS!!!!! I assume one is to store all their Grey Poupon.

This was my thinking on the counter tops; I knew I wanted granite but I had NO idea about what color BUT I did know I didn't want ORANGE! YUCK! I've been told that granite is 'timeless' and I say to that. "RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!" $10 bucks says that someone probably told that to Mary Cawley back in 1968 when she had ORANGE, or whatever color they were, counter tops installed when they remodeled her kitchen.

So I'm cool with a dark color and as long as I am happy with them then I don't give a FLIP if they are NOT 'Timeless'. This is where Amber and Suzanne come in. The granite guy came over and took measurements and told me that this

would be a good choice plus he was running a special on it!!!!! That SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got me drooling but I STILL needed approval from a female. I emailed Amber and Suzanne and they both gave it the 'green light'!!!! SO! These are my new counter tops!!!!

I tell ya, it sure is weird to have actually have a place to set stuff instead of the little space I had for the last year.....

Back splash!?!?!?! It consists of some tile a guy down the street was selling. Need any axe handles or stairway railing or maybe some tile mortar? He's got that stuff for sale too...

Get this! I called the guy up and this was the conversation:
ME- "Hi there sir, I am here in your front yard checking out your tile and I would like to know how much they are..."
GUY- "The little tile is $.50 and the big ones are a dollar. I'm not there right now so pick out what you want and leave the $ in the lock box I have on my front porch."
ME- "REALLY!?!?!"
GUY- "Yep". 

GOTTA LOVE the 'Honor System'!!!!

So with the smell of a rotting animal in the air (seriously! Something died around there, AHHHHHHH the price I pay to save some $) I took a few sheets of tile that I think will be nice.

AND!!!!! I went to Lowes and found some tile that matches it!!! WOO HOO!!!!

I also got some tile from a house that makes me appreciate having a CLEAN place to live!!! This tile cost me $7.47( antibiotic) + $55.00( DR. visit) = $62.47  GOOD GOD (Here's the story) and made a different pattern around the window and the oven. To make EVERYONE happy, I made some of the tile horizontal and others vertical...

Working on a back splash SUCKS!!!! You have to lean over your counter top to do it which almost guarantees a pulled muscle in your back EVERY TIME!!!! So I learned to do a little at a time….. BUT I SMELL like a 75 year old with Ben-Gay smeared all over the affected area. Basically I am saying that it's been the DEATH of me!!!!!  I started grouting a section and even I KNEW it was too dark.....

So I conversed with my interior designer, MESE and she agreed to go with a lighter shade. So I spent a few days painstakingly taking out the old grout!!! GOOD GOD It's MESSY!!!!!! Oh and!!!! The section you see was done one EFFing tile at a time!!!! I didn't like the spacing so I cut the backing.... GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!! OH AND I was also advised by a female and a gay man to make sure that the grout lines match and who am I to disagree with that??? So I tore some up and re DID it!!!

And so I put on my SWEEEEEEEET headband and work on it EVERYDAY after work....

and lay freakin' one tile at a time! No it's not that I want to punish myself BUT the two types of tile I got are NOT the same size and I want them all to match! DON'T HATE BECAUSE I AM ANAL!!!

It's ANOTHER great time to ponder life and other important issues that make the world turn like:

• When I am finished with this row of tiles, I think I will mow the lawn. It's kinda high...
• I wonder what will be the last song I hear before I die? I sure hope it's not some CRAPPY Musak version of some Air Supply song I hear over the hospital PA.
• My CCHS (Charlotte Catholic High School) 20th reunion is in a few weeks and I sure hope someone doesn't cuss me out for something I did or said on DA BOOK (F/B).
• Speaking of that, I wonder how Kirsten (DeLuca) Hungate is? She was such a sweetheart
• Should I even go? Hell! Some people don't EVEN respond to stuff I write them on thier EFFing wall....... I'm sure most people think I am a FREAK.
• I really need to back up my iTouch so I'm 'not up a creek' if it dies and I have to get another one.
• This row isn't straight! SON OF A!!! I need to redo it!!! This doing one tile at a time SUCKS!!!! I soooooooooooooooo should have just sucked it up and done it SHEET by SHEET!!!!!
• HA!!!! You have to be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY 'sure' of yourself to write a song asking "If ya want my body and ya think I am sexy come on sugar let me know."
• I think that it's best if I deactivate my account on 'DA BOOK' and only activate it the first day of the month to announce that I updated my blog....
• I want some Carhartt overalls for Christmas! I need to email mom and tell her....
• This isn't perfect but OH WELL!!!! I guess I will have to find something to put in front of it like my coffee maker or something...
• Do I need 6 months or a year of $ for my emergency fund? I need to check the internet for an answer.
• KRIPES! 'White Christmas' is on now thanks to my iTouch being on 'shuffle all' and I am covered with tile mortar and I am sitting down, I REALLY DON'T want to go a change it. 
• Should or shouldn't I get the new Sade DVD? I have ALL of her stuff already, AWWWWW HELL, what's it going to hurt if I get it...
• I shouldn't have left that comment on (insert name here)'s page on DA BOOK......
• GOOD LORD! This is a TERRIBLE SONG! Why is this on my iTouch??? There’s a name for someone who says “So we found this hotel, It was a place I knew well.” IT’S CALLED A SLUT!!!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• I really need to pee but I will I put up one more tile.
• HA!! I REALLY riled up Lori (LUTE) Funden with the 'Cutco knife issue' I wonder how long before she will talk to me again 3 or 6 months or even a YEAR???
• Other stuff but I cannot repeat it because, well.... MY MOTHER READS THIS!

Even Bailey is helping me out!!!!! OH WAIT A MINUTE!

I HAVE to get this done by 9-3-12 (CHECK THAT ) because I SET that deadline to have the kitchen done!!! More like 10-1-12............

What have I learned though all of this?

1. It's all pretty easy stuff to do and to ALWAYS remember K.I.S.S ( KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID).
2. Take your time! Do one thing and save up $ to do the next thing you have on your 'wish list' and do somethings in your spare time, EX. I 'prepped' the walls one Sunday morning while enjoying a nice cup of JAVA....
3. If you got something laying around, like the crown molding, USE IT!!! KRIPES! It ain't doing any good for ya just sittin' in the garage.
4. Wear shoes because you have a pretty good chance of getting a splinter when you walk on a floor that's just good ol' plain plywood. 
5. Learning how to do stuff like laying down tile is pretty cool.
6. To piggy back on #4, It's REALLY nice to have friends (some FORMER) that know how to do this stuff and are more than happy to help ya out.
7. EACH item that received the 'GREEN LIGHT' from a lady will all be called by their name, EXAMPLE 'the Amanda blinds', 'the MESE tile' 
8. YOU NEED TO REINFORCE YOUR KITCHEN when ya add tile and granite!! Here's the deal... One night I’m chillin’ on the couch playing on the internet when I hear some SNAP, CRACKLE, POP going on in my wall by the kitchen. It kind of freaked me out… I don’t want my roof to fall on me, THAT WOULD SO LEAVE A MARK!!! So I call a contractor to come out and look at things, I’m thinking that I will need a new wall or something. So he comes out and I explained what I heard and the situation. He asks when I had the tile and granite counter tops installed. I said in the last 6 months. He looks at me and says “DANG! That’s a lot of weight.” The support beams under the house need to be reinforced. HA!!!!!! I had a DOH! moment because I SHOULD have thought about that!!!! So he and his crew came over and installed some supports. I know it’s something I could easily do BUT my back is hurtin’ like a MOFO from working on the backsplash so I can’t do it!!!! 

I would also like to thank the committee for selecting me for this prestigious honor! HA!!!! Isn't that what EVERY ACTOR says when they win an OSCAR or something? But seriously, I want to give SHOUT OUTS to:

• Amanda for telling me what blinds to get.
• POPS for showing me when I was younger how to do this stuff and also giving me tools (like EVERY trowel known to man) that he had including Renee's freaking SWEET @$$ tile cutter!!!!
• 'Peachy' for explaining to me to 'focus' on stuff that people WILL see and not to worry about stuff that they won't.......
• Aaron for giving me a 5 gallon container of tile mortar that he had left over from when he 'tiled' his bathroom floor. FREE IS GOOD I TELL YA! 
• Mese for giving me the 'green light' on the tile to get.
• Steph for picking the outlet covers. 
• Valerie and Melissa for telling me what color GROUT to get for the tiles.
• Khystal for 'recommending' what paint I should get.  
• Gary S. for showing me when I was younger the proper way to prime before you paint! Cars/ walls they are the same thing in a way.  
• Mike and Liz (Brother and sister in law) for the ROCKIN' stainless steel stuff!!!!
• My old neighbor Greg for helping me unload the SWEET oven and microwave.
• Steve and Lynda for the fake plant idea for the top of the cabinets. 
• Grandpa Cawley AND my great grandpa DA EDWARD PAGNARD for the SWEET level and ruler that I used to make sure stuff was straight.
• Theresa C. and Stephanie for 'advising' me on what the back splash SHOULD look like. 
• 'Ed' for coming down to casa de McBride and helping me lay down tile.
• Tracy (IT'S A GUY) for letting me use his air hammer! OH AND BY THE WAY, There is a call in the queue for over a MINUTE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

AGAIN!!! EVERYTHING you see was first approved by a woman before I installed it!!! Now it may not all be ‘PERFECT’ looking BUT I’m cool with it and the last time I checked, THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS! Now after two years of doing stuff here and there I GIVE YOU THE FINAL RESULTS.......

 

NOW It's 'BLOGGING 202' and today's subject is about SLIDE SHOWS that I painstakingly put on here..... If you are older than 50, LISTEN UP! When you see this:

It is NOT just a picture. Hit the play button in the bottom left hand corner and it will show you that there are more then just one picture..

FINALLY I want you to welcome my NEW proofreader, the one and only KATE KOCKLER!!! Her and I have been 'ROLLIN' since 1973!!!

A brief background on her: SHE IS AWESOME! End of story!!! Let's hope she does a better job then my previous two who 'DROPPED THE BALL' on their duties to help me to grammatically entertain you!!!!

 

That's all I got for ya this month and remember, it's ALWAYS easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission......